IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Travelling in group with a tour guide is the best way to travel. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In the modern era, many amenities
such
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 as public parks and open spaces are repurposed into gardens used for growing vegetables and fruit.
This
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 essay will discuss on the side that the pros overwhelm the cons. One factor that must be known is that the requirement for vegetables in societies is increasing gradually and the government must adapt to the change, replacing public places with good solutions in the state-of-the-art time that estate agents become more expensive.
Moreover
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, putting vegetables and fruit as amenities
also
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 raises their awareness about health, citizens will see some production
such
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 as Brooklyn, salad, carrots and apples usually so that they will notice more about these plants.
Therefore
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, these circumstances can improve social health by the positive effect on their diet that provides more nutrition. The contrasting idea is that when one public place turns into a garden for planting purposes, it might be hard to control
due to
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 the large number of people who can destroy or steal the plants.
However
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, the development of education creates many highly educated populations, who can protect the garden from bad people.
Furthermore
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, it turned into a chance to bridge the gap between society when citizens celebrate some social activities related to the garden,
for example
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, watering the plants together, so that it
also
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 be a way to connect people. In conclusion, replacing public places with gardens can increase the number of productions, adapt to the requirements nowadays and save the money which is spent by the government. Despite the risk of unaware behaviours, it can be solved by the protection of communications.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a complete response to the prompt and addresses both sides of the issue effectively. However, make sure to keep your introduction more relevant to the topic at hand instead of deviating. Also, ensure that each paragraph flows naturally into the next by utilizing clear transitions.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and clarity to enhance the comprehensibility of your ideas. Complex sentence structures should not come at the expense of clarity. Use more simple and compound sentences to balance out your writing.
task achievement
Your essay effectively discusses the advantages and disadvantages of repurposing public places into gardens for growing vegetables and fruits. You provide relevant examples and connect them to the topic well.
coherence cohesion
You have a conclusion that summarizes your main points neatly, thereby enhancing the coherence of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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