IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animal as food or to use animal products for, for example, clothing and medicines. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#world #food #products #medicines
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It is argued that animal products are no longer a necessity for people since there are many organic alternatives available. I completely disagree with
this
 statement because I think animal products are essential for our foods, clothes, and medication. Animal meat contains many healthy nutritional macros that are necessary for human development. For humans, the consumption of meat is particularly important since it contains a huge proportion of proteins.
Protien
Correct your spelling
Protein
 is crucial for building and maintaining the muscles of the body; without it, a person would become skinny and weak.
For instance
, bodybuilders extensively consume chicken meat to build muscular physiques because it contains a significant proportion of protein.
Furthermore
, it
also
 contains several vital vitamins and minerals like B1, B2, B12, and iron, which are necessary for our blood and other bodily functions. Skin and fur are
also
 valuable products for people living in colder regions. Many animals, which are used for producing food,
also
 provide us with clothing materials. These materials are used in the manufacturing of warm jackets and sweaters, which are crucial for people to survive in places where temperatures fall below zero °C.
Moreover
, there are no plant-based replacements for providing the level of insulation from cold,
such
 as cotton, which fails to keep the body warm.
For example
, the Finland government imported 500 billion dollars worth of warm clothes for the 2025 winter since harsh winter months are expected. In conclusion, I believe that the use of animals for our domestic needs is crucial because we don't have the appropriate replacements available.
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conclusion
Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing the key points made in your essay more explicitly. This can help reinforce your argument and leave a lasting impact on the reader.
general
Avoid minor grammatical errors and typos. For example, ensure words like 'protein' are spelled correctly. Minor mistakes can affect the reader's perception of your overall proficiency.
examples
While you have provided specific examples, make sure that they directly support your argument and are clearly explained. For instance, it would be beneficial to elaborate a bit more on why plant-based clothing materials might not be as effective as animal-based ones.
structure
Varying your sentence structure can make your essay more engaging. Try to mix different types of sentences (simple, compound, complex) to enhance the flow of your writing.
organization
You have a well-organized structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This enhances the readability of your essay.
examples
You provide relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, such as the use of animal products for nutrition and clothing in colder regions.
focus
Your essay stays focused on the topic and presents a clear viewpoint. This demonstrates a good understanding of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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