Some people think that spending a lot of money on wedding parties and other celebrations is just a waste. Others, however, think that such events are necessary, so spending money on them is acceptable. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.
In
thsi
modern world, Correct your spelling
this
money
become one of the most valuable things. We can not bye anything without money
so that
we Correct word choice
apply
can notr
live our livelihood. So, without Correct your spelling
cannot
money
we can not pass our day.Add a comma
money,
Everyday
we need many Replace the word
Every day
kind
of necessary in our home and our Change to a plural noun
kinds
work place
so Correct your spelling
workplace
wee
need Correct your spelling
we
mopney
to afford our Correct your spelling
money
necessity
, without Fix the agreement mistake
necessities
money
we can not afford them. Add a comma
money,
For
this
reason, money
become one of the most valuable thing
Change to a plural noun
things
in
Change preposition
on
the
earth.So, spending Correct article usage
apply
money
without any need is such
a bad habit.Also
, spending more money
foe
actual reason is Correct your spelling
for
alright
. In our Replace the word
all right
society
some Add a comma
society,
peoplr
think that Correct your spelling
people
spend
a lot of Wrong verb form
spending
money
on wedding parties or others
celebrations is unnecessary but some Correct quantifier usage
other
some
think that Remove the redundancy
apply
such
events are valuable so we can invest on
them.I think Change preposition
in
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
o0f
Correct your spelling
of
money
is not ok but we can make a
event memorable that Change the article
an
tim e
we can spend Correct your spelling
time
little
bit more. belowAdd an article
a little
i
,m going to discuss both Correct pronoun usage
apply
view
.
First of all, spending a lot of m,Change to a plural noun
views
oney
is a very Correct your spelling
money
bat
habit Correct your spelling
bad
.because
if we Correct your spelling
because
spemnd
Correct your spelling
spend
money
without any reaso9n
Correct your spelling
reason
then
it wood be seen that we can not afford our need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
due to
lack mfund
. So, we Correct your spelling
of funds
shold
spend Correct your spelling
should
money
only for such
actual reason
.
But, sometimes we need to spend more Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
money
for our satisfaction.If we want to make our wedding party or other event
memorable only Change the wording
another event
other events
that
time we can Change preposition
at that
sp[end
more Correct your spelling
spend
money
.
In Correct your spelling
conclusion
conclutionh
, Correct your spelling
conclusion
money
very Correct your spelling
valuable
valuablwe
thing Correct your spelling
valuable
Correct your spelling
for
foe
us so we should spendCorrect your spelling
for
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task response
Your essay has a clear introduction, but it needs a more structured conclusion to summarize your points effectively. Additionally, your essay lacks clear and comprehensive ideas. Make sure you develop your points fully and clearly in your body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay needs a better logical structure. The points should be organized logically with clear topic sentences and supporting details in each paragraph. Additionally, introducing your essay with a concise thesis statement and concluding with a summary of the main points will improve coherence.
task response
Your attempt at discussing both views is commendable. You've made an effort to address the prompt by explaining both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing shows an understanding of the importance of money and the reasons why people might think differently about spending it on celebrations.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.