IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
The advancement in
science
 these days helped to enhance
people
’s
lives
 significantly.
However
,
people
 would argue whether the
aim
 of
science
 should be solely to improve the living conditions of humans. Some
people
 believe that researchers and
scientists
 should
aim
 to invent things that help
people
 have better
lives
.
Others
 believe that
scientists
 should
aim
 to understand the surrounding
world
 and make explanations and
theories
 of different fields including physics, chemistry, and
others
. The article will cover both overviews and my opinion on
this
 matter.
People
 who believe that the most important of
science
 should be improving
lives
 have several justifications for their
over points
Correct your spelling
overpoints
.
First,
researchers usually need financial support in order to pursue their projects which is usually held by the government or private sector and they need to give back to
people
 by enhancing their
lives
.
Moreover
, Having a big
aim
 of helping
people
 rather than just understanding the surrounding
world
 would make
scientists
 more oriented to invent or even doing studies on things that
are of
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
matter to
people
 all over the
world
.
For instance
, Technological advancements made
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant and tremendous
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
 in our daily
lives
. The contribution of these advancements has
also
 included hospitals, universities, airports, and many
others
.
Conversely
,
others
 believe that
science
 is all about continuous steps of understanding the
world
, human bodies, and
others
. They justify their points by the evidence that
scientists
 usually build on the
theories
 of
others
 before them.
Moreover
, narrowing the
aim
 of
science
 to enhancing
people
’s
lives
 would affect our understanding of important fields like astronomy and physics in which
scientists
 have a broader
aim
 of making explanations for things rather than helping
people
 directly. I believe in a balanced view of both points. Helping
people
 and enhancing their
lives
 are indeed really essential, but it is
also
 important to give
scientists
 the right to try to explain and make
theories
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 our surrounding
world
.
Furthermore
, looking back in history you would find that most advancements we experience these days
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 made benefit of previous
theories
 or even mathematical equations, which in turn explain the importance of having broader aims
also
.
Submitted by fahadajl64 on

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task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing the topic and presenting both sides of the argument. However, it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader on what your main argument will be.
task achievement
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that could be improved for clarity. For example, "the most important of science" should be "the most important aim of science," and "over points" should be "viewpoints."
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, but the flow can be improved. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use more linking words and phrases to ensure cohesion, such as 'furthermore,' 'additionally,' 'however,' and 'therefore.'
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is fairly balanced and concise. However, it might be more impactful if you restate your main points more clearly and summarize why a balanced view is essential.
task achievement
Your essay provides a thorough response to the question, addressing both sides of the argument well.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples to support your argument, which strengthens your essay's persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and provides a balanced perspective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
What to do next:
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