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Band 5

Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animal species, for example, the tiger or the blue whale. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #waste #money #species #tiger #whale
During the past few
decades
Add a comma
decades,
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 we have been witnessing that some people including even scientists are engaging in many preserving activities on endangered
animals
 who are living in different places in the world.
While
 some people have critics
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these programs as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
consumes
Correct subject-verb agreement
consume
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 money, others praise the actions taken to rescue the creatures from extinction. I
also
 strongly believe that the
animals
 who contribute to
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
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 the
divresity
Correct your spelling
diversity
 of natural habitats must be preserved in terms of their role in maintaining the balanced
echo
Correct your spelling
eco
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 system or their contribution
in
Change preposition
to
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 a sustained food chain and, reproducing is devoted to
keep
Change the verb form
keeping
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 the diversity.
Firstly
, the need
of
Change preposition
for
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 a balanced
echo-system
Correct your spelling
echo system
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 is vital for all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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animals
 including ourselves to survive in
this
 world
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 it acts as an interdepending process.
This
 nature is closely related to the food chain
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 which we all are a part.
For instance
, as vegetarians become food for predators, the existence of vegetarians is solidly related
with
Change preposition
to
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 the survival of their hunters who are living with them in
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 habitats.
Secondly
, the reproducing processes coming with living things entirely
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
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 on the availability of two opposite mates. If either male or female is missing in their
prides
Change the wording
pride
feelings of pride
points of pride
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, the reproduction is not possible to be taken place. As an example,
white
Add an article
a white
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 rhino who is living in some parts of Africa has no females to mate
.
Change preposition
with.
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As a result
 of that their existence has been challenged. In conclusion, even though some
personals
Replace the word
people
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critisize
Correct your spelling
criticize
criticise
 the programs that
are dealing
Wrong verb form
deal
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 with rescue missions of endangered
animals
, based on the cost
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can be used for more many meaningful things like health and education. Some others including myself argue that preservation activities must be taken place in terms of the facts described
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in
above
Correct article usage
the above
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 two paragraphs.
Submitted by swijayakoon on

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task achievement
You have effectively addressed the task in terms of presenting both sides of the argument and providing your own opinion. However, your ideas could be developed more comprehensively. Try to elaborate more on the points you present for even greater clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, some of the points need further elaboration and clarity. Consider using more examples to support your ideas and to make your position clearer. Transitions between paragraphs could also be smoother.
language use
There are some spelling and grammar errors, and occasionally the meaning of a sentence is somewhat unclear due to awkward phrasing. Work on your sentence structures and pay attention to subject-verb agreement. Proofreading your work before submitting it will also help to reduce these errors.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which helps to frame your argument well.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant to the task and are logically presented.
task achievement
You did well by stating your opinion clearly and supporting it with reasons.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • intrinsic value
  • existential threat
  • ecosystem
  • conservation
  • economic benefits
  • funding allocation
  • competing needs
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