In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinion on this?

There is a trend that
young
Correct article usage
the young
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generation
have
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has
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joined
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
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at a young age. Some people believe that
this
is a good sign for teenagers. Others believe that people who are under 18 years old should focus on their studies. I believe that working a paid job not only can gain valuable
work
experience
,
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apply
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but
also
earn some money to pay off living expenses. young generation eventually will grow up and join the working environment, so having some
work
experience
woul
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would
be a plus for their future life. They could gain some practical experience from the
work place
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workplace
show examples
and earn salaries from their
work
.
Submitted by canondu0828 on

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task achievement
Your introduction sets the context but could be clearer in stating your position outright. Make sure to clearly state your opinion from the very beginning.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could discuss types of jobs suitable for young people and how those roles contribute to their personal and professional development.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a more logical flow. For example, you could follow a structure where you discuss the benefits first and then address potential counterarguments.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is missing. Be sure to summarize your key points and restate your opinion in a concluding paragraph.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by acknowledging both sides of the argument.
task achievement
You have some clear ideas and attempt to develop them.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child labor
  • Exploitation
  • Minimum age
  • Work experience
  • Survival
  • Taking responsibility
  • Education
  • Poverty
  • Legal restrictions
  • Physical toll
  • Psychological impact
  • Cultural perceptions
  • International conventions
  • Economic impact
  • Work-study programs
  • Skilled labor
  • Unskilled labor
  • Developing economies
  • Moral implications
  • Professional development
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