In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.
Several nations high number of
citizens
having fast food
in their diet, therefore
they also
deal with many health
issues as well. I completely agree, if authorities increase taxes
on the kind of food
it saves their people
from health
problems such
as obesity and leads the people
towards healthy food
items.
Initially
, taxes
increase on junk food
products would save many individuals from basic health
-related problems such
as obesity, diabetes and heart attacks. Such
problems, increase the the
burden on Remove the redundancy
apply
health
care sector and Correct article usage
the health
also
put the countries a a
few years back, as Remove the redundancy
apply
people
are suffering from health
issues and therefore
do not do well for themselves and their country. In one of surveys
, it is reported thatAdd an article
the surveys
,
western countries deal with a high number of obese Remove the comma
apply
patients’
reason is presence of junk Change noun form
patients
food
and soda drinks in their routine diet therefore
, demand
Correct article usage
the demand
immigrants
Change preposition
for immigrants
of
has arisen for Change preposition
apply
Correct article usage
the continue
continue
growth of Wrong verb form
continued
such
countries.
Secondly
, decreasing the trend of fast food
through taxes
not only helps to improve health
issues but also
inclines people
toward good food
habits. Especially in developing nations, citizens
love to bargain prices on food
items if they get healthy food
at a cheaper price compared to high-cost junk food
they will prefer to buy only those food
products which are available at a lower price. This
is how the government turns them to buy food
which is good for their health
. For instance
, In Japan, the average age of citizens
is comparatively higher than in other nations the factor is they are like to eat their traditional food
which cost effective and also
, they feel very healthy.
conclusion, I believe increment
in Correct article usage
an increment
taxes
provision on rubbish Fix the agreement mistake
tax
food
items by the government not only helps to keep their citizens
fit but also
changes their habits towards having healthy and safe food
throughout their life.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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grammar
Ensure to proofread your essay for small grammar and punctuation errors. For example, in the phrase 'high number of citizens having fast food in their diet,' it is more accurate to say 'a high number of citizens who have fast food in their diet.'
coherence
Work on the logical progression of your essay. Sometimes, the points seem slightly disjointed. Make sure each paragraph clearly connects to the next.
development
Try to develop your points more comprehensively. For instance, the second paragraph can include more detailed explanations of how increased taxes would lead to better food habits.
introduction
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your essay well.
examples
You used relevant examples to support your points, like the reference to Japan's eating habits.
argument
Your argument for imposing higher taxes on fast food is well-presented and understandable.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...