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Band 4

It is important for people to take risks. Both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
It is true that everybody should take
risks
, either in their career lives or private lives.
Although
 taking
risks
 has some cons,
such
 as failure and regrets, I believe that it
also
 has a bunch of benefits like having greater opportunities for personal growth and becoming resilient to something. There are two main reasons why stepping into the unknown is significantly beneficial.
First,
people
 who like to challenge themself always tend to have more opportunities,
in
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 these
people
 always take an opportunity in front of them, leading to more experiences.
Moreover
,
people
 who do not hesitate to take
risks
 usually have an optimistic mindset and
also
 have faith in themselves. Even though some
people
 will fail after taking a risk,
people
 with
this
 approach will be resilient to face it. In fact, there are
also
 some drawbacks to taking
risks
such
 as regrets and failure.
For example
, to become an entrepreneur
people
 have to face failure after taking
risks
, and some
people
 feel down after taking
risks
. In conclusion, even there are several benefits and drawbacks to taking
risks
. I believe taking
risks
 is important for
people
.
Submitted by inekemargareta20 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a good introduction and conclusion. However, you could improve the coherence of your main points by connecting them more smoothly.
task achievement
Your response addresses the prompt well, but adding more specific examples or experiences can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction and conclusion, which enhances readability.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced discussion of both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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