IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Sample Question 01 (Discuss both views) : In many countries, young adults are engaged in some kinds of work. Some people regard this as completely wrong. Others consider it as a valuable experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. Discuss both views.

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Over the past few decades, we have witnessed a remarkable tendency among young
adults
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 to engage in paid or unpaid
work
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.
While
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 some argue that
this
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 trend imposes undue pressure on youth, others view it creates a great opportunity to discover practical challenges they will face in their lives at some point. From my perspective, early
work
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 experiences offer invaluable chances to gain practical skills and develop a strong sense of responsibility. On the one hand, some individuals claim that young
adults
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 involved in duties outside of their primary educational activities are prone to developing depression-related illnesses
such
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 as anxiety.
Therefore
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, they argue that the government should fund young
adults
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' education if financial constraints necessitate their employment.
For instance
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, recent surveys indicate that some high schools and universities offer temporary loan programs to help students cover tuition fees without excessive financial burden.
This
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 enables students to focus on their studies without undue stress.
This
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 trend suggests that gaining
work
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experience
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 after completing formal education is increasingly valued by young
adults
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.
On the other hand
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, many people in modern society, including parents, strongly believe in the benefits of young
adults
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 gaining
work
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experience
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 alongside their studies.
This
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 is because they primarily emphasize the experiential learning opportunities that young people can gain from their roles. They view these experiences as valuable investments in their future.
For example
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, research indicates that many successful individuals,
such
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 as Steve Jobs and Bill Gates, attribute their achievements to the knowledge and
experience
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 gained from their early
endeavors
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endeavours
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.
Consequently
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, evidence suggests that early
work
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experience
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 contributes significantly to the development of valuable life skills. In conclusion, Even though some contend that early employment hinders young people's academic development and creates additional stress, I believe it offers invaluable opportunities for growth and learning.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has one clear central idea. While the essay is generally well-structured, some points could be more clearly delineated to enhance readability.
task achievement
Expand on the conclusion to reinforce the main points discussed in the essay and to provide a sense of closure.
task achievement
Provide a more balanced analysis by discussing potential counterarguments more thoroughly. This could strengthen the discussion of how early work experiences might negatively impact young adults.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear and effective introduction that sets the stage for the discussion.
logical structure
Logical progression of ideas is generally well-maintained. Each point builds on the previous one, contributing to overall coherence.
relevant specific examples
Good use of relevant examples, such as referencing well-known figures like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates, enhances the argument.
introduction conclusion present
Effective conclusion that summarizes the main views discussed in the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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