When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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day and age, our lives are increasingly developing. Meanwhile, new towns are organised, and many individuals believe that it is crucial to construct more public
parks
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or
sports
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facilities
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than shopping
centres
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for people to spend their free
time
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. In my opinion, I agree that having more public
parks
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and
sports
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facilities
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is necessary,
however
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, I disagree that a shopping centre is not as necessary as these
facilities
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. The following essay will indicate my opinion.
To begin
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with, building more public
parks
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or
sports
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facilities
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is very vital for people to spend their free
time
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when new towns are planned because the appearance of these
facilities
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will be a wonderful space for citizens to relax or chill with their friends.
In addition
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, not only help people reduce stress
,
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apply
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but
also
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they help them have better health thanks to places where they can play
sports
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or do exercises.
For example
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, public
parks
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will bring a fresh atmosphere thanks to a lot of green trees in them, so citizens love going to the
parks
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to see sunrise and sunset or participate in community activities that will help them feel comfortable and well-being.
Moreover
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,
sports
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facilities
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will help them have the motivation to play
sports
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and do exercises
such
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as playing badminton or playing tennis which will make their health better and prevent diseases.
Besides
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, shopping
centres
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are
also
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essential for them to do in their free
time
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because buying things that they love on their salary will help them feel happy and satisfied about themselves.
Moreover
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, they
also
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have to go shopping regularly to purchase good food and enjoy meals and other necessary things in our lives so having a shopping centre near our house will bring them convenience.
For instance
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, citizens can go to the shopping
centres
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to buy rice, fish, meat or delicious dishes and new clothes. They are gifts for them after working very hard. In conclusion, when new towns are planned, it is crucial to construct more public
parks
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or
sports
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facilities
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and shopping
centres
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for individuals to use their free
time
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because all of them give individuals a better feeling and bring positive effects for them in their lives.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using additional linking phrases or words to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. For example, phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'On the contrary,' or 'In addition to' can help to clearly link different points.
task achievement
For a more comprehensive task response, try to explore both sides of the argument in greater depth. While you have mentioned the advantages of both public parks/sports facilities and shopping centers, a deeper analysis or more specific examples can make your essay stronger.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a solid structure to your argument.
task achievement
You have effectively supported your main points with relevant and specific examples, making your arguments more persuasive.
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