IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinion on this?

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In many countries child labour is a common thing. Some people support the
idea
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 of
children
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 working for money
while
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 others don't.We will look at both points of view and in the end, I will give my opinion. In many countries,
children
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 start working for money at a very young
age
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. Some communities consider
this
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 as a valuable
experience
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 and they support
this
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idea
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.Their point of view can be that starting earning and gaining
experience
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 at a small
age
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 can make the
children
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 responsible.
For example
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, the
children
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 in Afghanistan start working at a young
age
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 and Afghani people consider
this
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 a valuable thing and
as a result
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, they become big tycoons and businessmen when they grow up because they already have the
experience
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 and they already have the
idea
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 of their responsibilities. At the same time, some people do not support
this
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idea
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. It is generally because even though working at a young
age
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 can give you
experience
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 and a sense of responsibility at the same time at a young
age
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 a child who is engaged in work can not enjoy his or her childhood in a good way.
Children
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 can not spend time with their friends and families. They will not be able to
experience
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 the things which they should at that
age
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. They will not be able to take part in
extra curriculum
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extracurricular
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 activities. My opinion about
this
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 whole thing is that
children
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 should not engage themself in any type of work that takes them away from their home, friends, and especially from their childhood. I think it's wrong we can learn things later in life when we grow up and
then
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 we can take our responsibilities.

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introduction conclusion present
The introduction is present but could be more engaging. State the main arguments more clearly. Ensure the thesis statement is specific and effectively sets up the essay.
logical structure
The essay structure is generally clear but can benefit from more logical transition phrases. Use signposting to guide the reader through the arguments more smoothly.
supported main points
The main points are identified, but they need more development and support with specific examples. The examples provided should be more detailed and varied.
complete response
The response covers both viewpoints and provides an opinion, but the arguments can be elaborated further. Make sure each point is thoroughly discussed to demonstrate a full understanding of the issue.
clear comprehensive ideas
While ideas are clear, they could be more comprehensive. Expand on your points by including more substantial content in each paragraph.
relevant specific examples
Add more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Examples should support the points you are making and be varied to show a broad understanding of the topic.
complete response
You provided a clear distinction between the two views on child labor, which shows an understanding of the topic.
logical structure
The essay maintained focus on the topic throughout, which is good for coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child labor
  • Exploitation
  • Minimum age
  • Work experience
  • Survival
  • Taking responsibility
  • Education
  • Poverty
  • Legal restrictions
  • Physical toll
  • Psychological impact
  • Cultural perceptions
  • International conventions
  • Economic impact
  • Work-study programs
  • Skilled labor
  • Unskilled labor
  • Developing economies
  • Moral implications
  • Professional development
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