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Writing Samples /
Band 8

An increasing number of professionals such as doctor and teacher are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problem does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?

#professionals #doctor #teacher #countries #work #situation
In the present climate, brain drain has become a ubiquitous trend in third-world societies. I find myself among those who agree with
this
 vexation which is associated with poor healthcare service and a vicious economic cycle,
however
, to be dealt with some solutions are going to be postulated in
this
 essay. One of the main predicaments that can be attributed to
this
 approach is the lack of sufficient healthcare service
due to
 the departure of a great number of employees from
this
 system. Many practitioners and nurses who are not satisfied with their income move to communities that offer them more welfare.
While
this
 trend can be beneficial for the host country, it can deteriorate the average health of the deprived areas and growing mortality rate. Another detrimental resulting from the mentioned issue can be witnessed in other fields like economy and industry. It means that the lack of skilled workforce is highly likely to put the companies in danger of bankruptcy
accordingly
 more unemployment and stagnancy and more poverty. To alleviate
this
 hindrance some plausible ways can be put forth, one of which can be for the governments to provide expert workers with suitable income and financial support.
For instance
, offering subsidies, insurance, and job security not only would encourage them to stay in their homeland but it can
also
 raise patriotism.
Furthermore
, authorities of
such
 territories can take advantage of successful ones to overcome
this
 issue. To illustrate, advanced countries can equip them with basic facilities to pave the way for their industry to flourish leading to, more international relationships and
accordingly
 flourishing economy. To capitulate, it can be deduced that the more the country cares about human capital, the more motivation employees will have to serve their territory.
However
, it cannot be denied that it needs initial investment.
Submitted by samirakasraee72 on

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task achievement
Overall, the essay provides a good response to the task by identifying problems related to brain drain and suggesting solutions. However, certain points could benefit from more specific examples and elaboration to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-structured, there are a few areas where cohesive devices can be used more effectively to ensure smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the task effectively, discussing problems caused by brain drain and proposing possible solutions.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and clearly outline the main points of the essay, helping to provide a concise and focused discussion.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported and articulated, demonstrating clear understanding and insight into the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Brain drain
  • Human capital
  • Economic development
  • Financial incentives
  • Global cooperation
  • Knowledge transfer
  • Capacity-building
  • Inequality
  • Human resources
  • Retention strategies
  • Healthcare infrastructure
  • Educational infrastructure
  • Professional migration
  • Skilled workforce
What to do next:
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