IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think it does not matter if a professional sportsman or sportswoman misbehaves on or off the field if they play well. What is your opinion about this?

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There is a view shared by a certain number of people that one’s good performance
on
Change preposition
in
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 a meeting with a company can help them to get hired. I tend to agree with
this
Linking Words
 point, as the way a person behaves in the course of an interview reveals his or her qualities and skills to employers. In the following paragraphs, I am going to explore the given issue.   On the one hand, there is a reason why an interview is usually the
last
Linking Words
 step in the recruitment process. Potential employees can write plenty of facts in CVs about hard and soft skills when, in reality, they do not possess the required ones. The only way to evaluate whether the provided information is truthful is to check it in person.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the impression made during
this
Linking Words
 meeting is crucial for jobs that involve constant communication with people and heavily rely on it, as it happens in
marketing
Correct article usage
the marketing
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 and HR spheres.
For instance
Linking Words
, an acquaintance of mine who applied for
a
Correct article usage
the
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 position of PR manager was dismissed after a short conversation with the company because they did not like her shy
demeanor
Change the spelling
demeanour
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.  
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is argued that there are other, more important factors considered by the organization rather than the interview performance. One can have immaculate speaking skills and charisma that will impress the interviewer but lack
practical
Correct article usage
the practical
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 knowledge
that is
Linking Words
 needed for the specific job.
Additionally
Linking Words
, some positions do not rely on the talkativeness of an employee, and their abilities can be tested with the help of another additional recruitment step. In some Russian IT companies,
such
Linking Words
 as Yandex or Kaspersky, a video questionnaire with an HR manager is only the second step, after which it is needed to complete a task that will be checked by the head of
department
Add an article
the department
a department
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.   In conclusion, first impressions are rather crucial when a person hopes to acquire a desired job.
Such
Linking Words
 meetings can help both parties to understand whether they are interested in potential cooperation.

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coherence cohesion
While your essay is overall coherent, you can improve the logical structure by ensuring that your arguments flow more seamlessly from one to the next. Try using more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully included an introduction and a conclusion, which provides a clear structure to your essay. However, make sure your introduction is more aligned with the essay prompt by focusing on the behavior of professional sports people rather than job interviews.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are generally supported with examples, but these examples could be more directly tied to the prompt about professional sportsmen and sportswomen. This would enhance the relevance and strength of your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay addresses all parts of the prompt. It seems like your example is focused on job interviews, while the topic is about professional sportsmen. Align your examples more closely with the topic at hand.
task achievement
Your ideas are comprehensive but make sure they are very clear and directly related to the question. Discuss both the positive and negative impacts of sports personnel's behavior both on and off the field.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples relevant to the prompt to make your points more compelling. For instance, talk about known incidents of sportspeople misbehaving and how it has or hasn’t affected their careers.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help provide structure to your response. This is important for coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
You include examples to support your points, which helps to make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt with a reasoned argument, indicating a thoughtful approach to the essay. Your response is quite comprehensive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • role model
  • influence
  • integrity
  • tarnish
  • reputation
  • consequences
  • inappropriate actions
  • morale
  • unity
  • negative environment
  • sponsorship
  • brand image
  • ethical considerations
  • athletic performance
  • respect
  • fairness
  • values
  • behavior
  • impact
  • public attitudes
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