IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

WRITING TASK 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Many manufactured food and drink products contain highlevels of sugar;which causes many health problems.Sugaryproducts should be made more expensive to encourage peopleto consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your ownknowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words

#minutes #topic #food #drink #products #highlevels #sugar #health #sugaryproducts #peopleto #ownknowledge
In some
people
's
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
,we should increase the price of sugary
products
 to work out the
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 problems
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
caused by manufactured high-sugar
food
 and drink
products
. I fairly disagree with
this
 view, it is not a correct method to solve
this
 issue. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 matter of fact, making sugary
products
 more expensive does not have a significant act on decreasing
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 health problems. Because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugary
products
 play a necessary role in
people
's daily lives, they are the main
food
 source for the citizens, and they can
also
 release
people
's pressure
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 work
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
such
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cola.
For instance
, the consumption of
cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
show examples
is
Verb problem
will
show examples
 not fall down even if the government
rise
Verb problem
raises
show examples
 its price and taxation.
Furthermore
, if we increase the price of sugary
products
, it will result in a series of problems
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
,
such
 as
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
 the cost of
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 daily lives and many manufacturers of sugary
products
break
Wrong verb form
breaking
show examples
 down.
Therefore
 we can not adopt the radical approach that
making
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
 high-sugar
food
 and drink
products
 more expensive.
In contrast
, we can work out the high-sugar problem through some temperate methods. On the one hand, we can create
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 law to limit the sugar component of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
manufactured
products
. Perhaps encouraging the manufacturers to research and produce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
low-sugar
food
 and drink
products
 for
people
's consumption.
On the other hand
, the government can provide a
numerous
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 amount of funding for
subsidy
Add an article
a subsidy
the subsidy
show examples
 of low-sugar
products
 to promote
low sugary
Correct your spelling
low-sugar
show examples
products
 and encourage
people
 to purchase
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. I believe these ways will make the
mass
Fix the agreement mistake
masses
show examples
 receive
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
low-sugar
food
 gradually In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 disagree with
Submitted by fiasngs on

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task achievement
To improve the essay further, provide a clearer and more comprehensive thesis in the introduction. Ensure the conclusion succinctly summarizes the key points made in the essay.
task achievement
Introduce more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Real-world examples can make your arguments more persuasive and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Work on clearly linking your ideas and paragraphs. Use transition words and phrases to help guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure you have a clear introduction and conclusion. Your conclusion seems to be unfinished, so ensure it effectively sums up your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay's arguments are reasonably clear and there is a logical structure to the points made.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument regarding making sugary products more expensive and provided alternative solutions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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