IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Children should take part time jobs in their free time or they should totally focus on their studies. What are the advantages and disadvantages to children of doing so?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Children
Use synonyms
 should
take
Verb problem
do
show examples
 partial
work
Use synonyms
 in their leisure time or they
ahould toatally
Correct your spelling
should totally
 pay attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
studies
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
dicuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 and articulate both the aspects
Change preposition
of merites
show examples
merites
Correct your spelling
merits
 and
demerites
Correct your spelling
demerits
along with
Linking Words
relevent
Correct your spelling
relevant
 examples and a logical conclusion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
initially
Linking Words
, nowadays, it is difficult to study
due to
Linking Words
 life
expensess
Correct your spelling
expenses
 and high educational fees. In most
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 the
education
Use synonyms
 cost gradually increasing.
For example
Linking Words
, many families
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
show examples
 afford
paying
Change the verb form
to pay
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 fees, and
children
Use synonyms
 in different
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
 are looking for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
while
Linking Words
 studying just to balance their
life's
Change noun form
lives
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
, A child can either study or
work
Use synonyms
, in
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
 more than half
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 struggling the reason
education
Use synonyms
 is exorbitant.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, individuals say that
children
Use synonyms
 should totally
concintrate
Correct your spelling
concentrate
 on their
studies
Use synonyms
. Researchers
adviced
Correct your spelling
advised
 that
children
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 and study
they cant
Correct your spelling
can't
 achieve much in their
studies
Use synonyms
,
wheras
Correct your spelling
whereas
,
children
Use synonyms
 who completely focus on
the
Change the word
their
show examples
studies
Use synonyms
 they got high grades.
For instance
Linking Words
, the government built schools, colleges and universities free of charge and
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
show examples
 high marks they
give
Wrong verb form
given
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
award
Fix the agreement mistake
awards
show examples
 and
scholarship
Fix the agreement mistake
scholarships
show examples
 to continue higher
education
Use synonyms
 in any other country. In a nutshell, it is fundamental for
children
Use synonyms
 to focus on their
studies
Use synonyms
 rather than
work
Use synonyms
 partially, and the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
huge companies can help the
children
Use synonyms
 financially to reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly states the purpose of the essay and previews the main points discussed.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to back your claims.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that transitions between paragraphs are smooth.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. Discussing both advantages and disadvantages more thoroughly will enhance your score.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to improve readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Finish with a more compelling conclusion that summarizes the main points and gives your final opinion.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic.
task achievement
You have made an attempt to give both perspectives on the issue, which is commendable.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is present with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have utilized relevant points concerning the cost of education and the importance of focusing on studies.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • part-time job
  • focus on
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • responsibility
  • work ethic
  • time management skills
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • financial independence
  • money management
  • practical knowledge
  • real-world experience
  • academic performance
  • stress
  • fatigue
  • rest
  • relaxation
  • extracurricular activities
  • unsafe
  • inappropriate
  • social development
  • emotional development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: