IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays it is common for people to get married and have children in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Do you agree or disagree that this trend will benefit society?

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These days,
people
Use synonyms
choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
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 to become single for a longer period of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 has become ubiquitous.
As a result
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, they will have
children
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 lately like in their thirties. Some
people
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 see
this
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 trend as positive
whereas
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 others hold the opposite opinions.
According to
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 my opinion, late
marriages
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 create mature
partners
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 and financially stable parents. These are vital benefits for
society
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.
This
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 essay will depict my agreement with relevant examples. Maturity is considered the paramount quality of marriage. When
partners
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 are
matured
Replace the word
mature
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 enough, they understand each other and do not indulge in fighting
for
Change preposition
over
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 petty issues.
As a result
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, there will be fewer domestic violence and divorce cases in
society
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.
For instance
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, the state of Kerala has a significantly higher rate of happily married couples because most of the
marriages
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 have happened in the thirties of their
partners
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.
Additionally
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, It is generally seen that the income of a person increases as he grows older. A partner with financial stability will keep his counterpart happy and secure a bright future for his
children
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. He can provide higher education to his
children
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, these
children
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 will earn more in future which will ultimately make
society
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 stronger and prosperous.
In particular
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, a recent survey by a private NGO says that
people
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 who are
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 higher positions in government jobs or in MNCs had educated and well-earned parents.
On the other hand
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, when a partner is immature
due to
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 his age factor, he will not be able to understand the emotions of his counterpart and will end up having
Correct article usage
a
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troubled married life. Many times, these
marriages
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 do not
last
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 long and create
sad
Correct article usage
a sad
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 life for both
partners
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.
For example
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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divorced
people
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the USA have more depression issues than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the rest
countries
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of countries
show examples
 of the world. In conclusion, the idea of late
marriages
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 benefits
such
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 as creating strong bonds, financial freedom and avoiding chances of divorce
due to
Linking Words
 immaturity.
Therefore
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, it should be adopted.
Hence
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, I agree that they are beneficial for
society
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic and includes relevant examples, but it could benefit from more nuanced argumentation. Consider discussing potential drawbacks of late marriages to show a balanced view.
task achievement
Some of your points could be better supported with more specific examples or data. For instance, when discussing financial stability, you might want to include more factual statistics or studies.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. You might use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that the idea is developed fully. As it stands, some points feel a bit rushed and not deeply explored.
coherence cohesion
Revise minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases to bolster clarity and coherence in your writing. For instance, 'he can provide higher education to his children, these children will earn more' would be clearer as 'he can provide higher education to his children, which will enable them to earn more in the future.'
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly outlines the essay's main argument and prepares the reader for what follows.
supported main points
You have provided relevant examples to support your argument, which strengthens your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates your stance, which ties the essay together well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic stability
  • financial security
  • mature decision making
  • life goals
  • child welfare
  • emotionally equipped
  • population growth control
  • resource management
  • environmental sustainability
  • changing social norms
  • traditional timelines
  • personal freedom
  • social diversity
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