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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What do you think is a possible solution?

#people #countries #cars #first #time
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An increasing
number
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 of
cars
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 are being purchased in developing nations. The principal
problems
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this
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 causes are
pollution
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 and traffic congestion, and the most viable solution is promoting the use of public transport. The primary issue developing countries face when their citizens start to buy
cars
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 is increased
pollution
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.
This
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 occurs
as a result
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 of the fossil fuel combustion of private transport, which emits a great amount of carbon dioxide into the environment and makes a big contribution to air
pollution
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. A greater
number
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 of vehicles on the road is
also
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 responsible for a rise in traffic jams.
This
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 is because there are too many personal
cars
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 on the street, leaving no room for spacious areas and fresh air.
For example
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, Hanoi city, which has the highest
number
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 of
cars
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 in Vietnam, is one of the most polluted and crowded cities in the world, and many roads that are built for motorbikes solely are now filled with many
cars
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. A solution to these
problems
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 is to encourage people to travel more by public transportation like bus and metro.
This
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 would solve the
problems
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 by removing private vehicles from the street so that the
pollution
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 and congestion caused by personal
cars
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 will be reduced to a minimum.
For instance
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, after the Vinfast bus, which runs totally on electricity, was brought to the street, Hanoi witnessed a significant drop in the
number
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 of vehicles, which
also
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 resulted in
pollution
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 impairment. In conclusion, the main issues of people buying
cars
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 in developing countries are air
pollution
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 and traffic-related
problems
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, and making use of means of transportation like bus and metro is the best answer.
Submitted by maymocsb on

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coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the connection between sentences and ideas to ensure smoother transitions throughout the essay.
task achievement
Expand on some points to provide a clearer, more comprehensive picture of the problem and solution.
coherence cohesion
The essay presented a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Examples were specific and relevant, effectively illustrating the points made.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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