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Band 7.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
There has been a growing tendency for
people
 in the suburbs or the countryside to move to urban
areas
,
thus
 resulting in a decrease in population. In my opinion,
this
 is a negative
development
, which I will elaborate more on in my essay. There are multiple reasons why I regard
this
 as a negative trend.
Firstly
,
this
 will cause an imbalance in residency and workforce globally.
For example
, in cities like Mumbai, the population density can exceed 20,000
people
 per square kilometre, compared to rural
areas
, which might have less than 500
people
 per square kilometre.
This
 can cause the population to not balance properly, leading to negative problems in cities
such
 as overcrowding in certain places, increased cost of living, traffic congestion, and competition for resources,
whereas
 rural
areas
 lack workforce and labour,
thus
 hindering the
development
overall
.
Moreover
, the migration mentioned can
also
 be the reason for urban sprawl. Urban sprawl refers to the uncontrolled expansion of urban
areas
 into surrounding rural land, leading to a spread-out, low-density
development
 pattern. Mexico City has sprawled extensively, with its metropolitan area covering about 2,000 square miles. The city has expanded into surrounding valleys and hills, leading to significant environmental and infrastructural challenges. Urban sprawl is another risk that
this
 trend poses to society. In conclusion,
while
 a number of
people
 think
this
 is a positive trend, as it can provide
people
 with more opportunities in terms of
development
, employment and finance, in my opinion,
this
 needs to be slowed down as it creates challenges towards cities, countries, and the world
overall
.
Submitted by minhlieu.hnd on

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task achievement
Provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point to strengthen the argument. Make sure each point is thoroughly discussed before moving on to the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next by using transitional words or phrases more effectively. For instance, use words like "additionally," "moreover," or "consequently" to link ideas.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay is quite cohesive, pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. A few grammatical errors can detract from the overall quality. Double-check for minor grammatical mistakes or awkward phrasing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and strong introduction that outlines the main argument effectively.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as Mumbai and Mexico City, significantly strengthens the argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the stance, providing a solid end to the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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