Modern buildings appear in large numbers, but some people believe that we should build our buildings in traditional styles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is often believed that traditional
buildings
are more beneficial than modern buildings
whose number increases greatly in modern society. I partially agree with this
, for incredible health advantages that people
can gain from old houses regardless of some benefits attained from new buildings
for environmental preservation.
On the one hand, a traditional style of housing should be encouraged as they are more likely to promote individual health due to
the healing effect
of ancient materials often used in old houses. In other words
, residents are able to improve their health conditions as they are exposed to them on a regular basis. For instance
, a Japanese floor called "tatami," which is made of straw, is known to remove stress and pain that people
experience in their feet while
they walk on the soft cushion. Furthermore
, this
natural material of traditional Japanese houses has a significant effect
in reducing blood pressure in a dramatic way, preventing serious diseases such
as heart attacks and brain strokes, in contrast
to a modern floor made of wood, which often causes constant pain in their feet.
On the other hand
, modern buildings
should be introduced to protect the environment as taller buildings
can accommodate more people
in limited spaces, reducing the need to destroy nature. Indeed, it is less likely to cut down more trees as well as
drill land as they provide more places for settlers to live. This
effect
is especially striking in urban areas where the growing population has been a pressing concern. In spite of the rising demand to construct more housing, the new styles of buildings
encourage people
not only to coexist with nature but also
to expand human activities, which results in the prosperity of wildlife and the growing satisfaction of people
in the future.
In conclusion, while
I somewhat agree that more traditional buildings
should prevail as their special healing effect
that residents can take advantage of. However
, modern buildings
with the capability to accommodate more people
should be recommended in cities so as not to pose a detrimental impact on nature.Submitted by mizuho on
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task achievement
The essay should maintain a clear focus and avoid attempting to cover too many ideas, which could dilute the main arguments. You could consider further strengthening the relationship between traditional buildings and health benefits and modern buildings and environmental preservation without stretching the points too thin.
coherence cohesion
While your essay flows well, try to work on building even smoother transitions between your points. This will help make your argument more cohesive and easier to follow. Additionally, using more varied connective phrases can enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
task achievement
The main points are well supported with relevant and specific examples, which make your arguments stronger and more convincing. For instance, the use of 'tatami' in Japanese houses is a good example that illustrates the health benefits of traditional buildings.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion effectively. Your conclusion neatly summarizes the main points, reinforcing your overall argument.