The tendency of human beings copying each other is shown in popularity of fashion clothes and consumer goods. To what extent do you agree?

#tendency #beings #popularity #fashion #clothes #consumer #goods

Many experts believe that

people

who live in

this

modern society are more likely to mimic other

people

's appearance to look good. They claim that maintaining the ideal image of beauty is becoming more important among

people

who work in the fashion industry. I support

this

idea because

this

trend can have negative effects on human beings, making them lose their identity.

To begin

with, as the media has developed, most

people

start to compare themselves to others by seeing other

people

's appearance. With the rise of social media like Instagram and

Tiktok

Correct your spelling

TikTok

show examples

this

tendency has become a more serious social issue. They are continuously copying each other to fit the ideal image made by the media.

For example

, if some famous influencers sponsored by a company advertise a fancy black leather jacket, their fans or

people

who are interested in the fashion industry are more likely to buy the jacket. It may lose

people

's identity especially young children who do not have their own personal type.

Secondly

, when it comes to consumer goods, there are many exaggerated advertisements around us. To sell their goods as much as possible, some companies provide the wrong information to consumers. If one company's products are sold a lot, other companies start to copy their marketing tools or ingredients of the product, and it makes consumers get confused.

Due to

this

tendency, many consumers are suffering from the wrong information provided by selfish corporations.

To sum up

it is clear that

people

are copying each other for various reasons like appearances and interests. It gives a lot of disadvantages to

people

who live in

this

society.

Submitted by ieltssss on Sun Dec 24 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction and conclusion were present, but they could be more impactful by clear thesis statement and summarizing the main points more effectively.

coherence cohesion

Your main points should each have a dedicated paragraph with clear, logical development. This essay has the correct paragraphing structure, but the development of ideas in the body paragraphs could be more focused and detailed.

coherence cohesion

Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs. The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, but variety and accuracy could be improved further.

task achievement

Fully address all parts of the task. The essay should address the extent to which you agree with the statement, providing a more nuanced response rather than a simple agreement.

task achievement

Make sure your ideas are not only clear but developed comprehensively. In this essay, while the ideas are relevant, there is room for deeper analysis and more developed argumentation.

task achievement

Use relevant examples to support your points. The examples given in the essay tend to be generic. More specific and detailed examples would strengthen the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

272 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The tendency of human beings copying each other is shown in popularity of fashion clothes and consumer goods. To what extent do you agree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many think that in today’s world it is very difficult for people to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, feel that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

Students in a school should learn academic subjects and pass exams. Other skills such as cookery, dressmaking, and woodwork can be learned from family and friends. Do you agree or disagree?

Many Le Thanh Tong grade 11 students lack focus and drive. What is the causes for this? What do you do think is the most effective solution?

Some lm companies spend millions of dollars on the production of a single movie. Is it necessary to spend a lot of money to make a good movie? What factors contribute to the success of a movie?