Some people believe that it is good for a country’s culture to import foreign movies and TV programmes. Others think that it is better to produce these locally. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Entertainment
programs such
as movies, series, and many others often
imported from abroad. Add a missing verb
are often
People
agree that getting movies and series from foreign country
is good for cultural purposes. Fix the agreement mistake
countries
Hence
, on the opposite, others believed that importing foreign programmes
could kill local entertainment
businesses. In this
essay
I would like to discuss both sides and present my own view.
Cultural education could be in Add a comma
essay,
a
form of Correct article usage
the
entertainment
, whereas
many programmes
imported
Add a missing verb
are imported
due to
this
statement. With
learning Change preposition
By
other
Change preposition
about other
culture
, local Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
people
could reflect to
their own. They could judge whether their Change preposition
on
norm
still applicable in the Add a verb
norm is
norm was
eye
of Fix the agreement mistake
eyes
times
, whether it is valuable or not to be kept. Fix the agreement mistake
time
Moreover
, by absorbing foreign creation
we can alleviate our value, seeing them as Fix the agreement mistake
creations
competitor
and Fix the agreement mistake
competitors
subsequently
develop
our own. Wrong verb form
developing
Thus
would lead to country improvement for the better.
Correct your spelling
This
On the contrary
, importing foreign programmes
could impact the
local businesses Correct article usage
apply
particularly
Add the comma(s)
, particularly
entertainment
. It is not impossible that locally produced programmes
can not compete to
the quality that Change preposition
with
offered
by Add a missing verb
is offered
overseas’
Change noun form
overseas
programmes
. Accordingly
, the local community would die down. In sequence, this
phenomenon could shift trend
, be it fashion, Fix the agreement mistake
trends
culiner
, and others. External Correct your spelling
culinary
culture
will become more common as per the demand of local people
which
continuously Correct pronoun usage
who
enjoying
overseas Wrong verb form
enjoy
programmes
. The worst scenario from this
is our people
could forget their own norm
and cultural practices.
Despite Fix the agreement mistake
norms
this
different Correct determiner usage
these
view points
, there has to be a role to limit the influence of foreign Correct your spelling
viewpoints
culture
in ones
country. Change to a genitive case
one's
Government
should be active Correct article usage
The government
to encourage
their citizen to continue adoring their own home Change preposition
in encouraging
culture
. In parallel, the citizens also
has
to write down patriotism and nationalism within their Change the verb form
have
heart
, Fix the agreement mistake
hearts
then
they would not easily Correct word choice
so then
sway
by the influence of Wrong verb form
be swayed
other’s
Change noun form
other
culture
. Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
Therefore
the impact of entertainment
programmes
which
brought out from overseas will be attainable.
In conclusion, importing foreign Correct pronoun usage
apply
entertainment
programmes
is good for cultural education. Hence
if the afterward impact do
not Verb problem
is
manage
carefully, the downside effect Wrong verb form
managed
would
be created. Wrong verb form
will
Therefore
, it is crucial to restrict its domination and to prioritize our nation’s and ancestor’s practices.Submitted by annisaseptidwiyanti on
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task achievement
Try to make your points clearer and more direct. Ensure each argument is accompanied by specific and relevant examples.
task achievement
Work on developing your ideas more comprehensively. Expand on each point to make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Focus on improving the logical flow within and between paragraphs. Use clear transitions to connect different sections of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Review your word choice and sentence structure to make your essay more polished and readable.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, showing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example