Some people believe that it is good for a country’s culture to import foreign movies and TV programmes. Others think that it is better to produce these locally. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Entertainment
programs
such
as movies, series, and many others
often
Add a missing verb
are often
show examples
imported from abroad.
People
agree that getting movies and series from foreign
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
is good for cultural purposes.
Hence
, on the opposite, others believed that importing foreign
programmes
could kill local
entertainment
businesses. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I would like to discuss both sides and present my own view. Cultural education could be in
a
Correct article usage
the
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form of
entertainment
,
whereas
many
programmes
imported
Add a missing verb
are imported
show examples
due to
this
statement.
With
Change preposition
By
show examples
learning
other
Change preposition
about other
show examples
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
, local
people
could reflect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
their own. They could judge whether their
norm
Add a verb
norm is
norm was
show examples
still applicable in the
eye
Fix the agreement mistake
eyes
show examples
of
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
, whether it is valuable or not to be kept.
Moreover
, by absorbing foreign
creation
Fix the agreement mistake
creations
show examples
we can alleviate our value, seeing them as
competitor
Fix the agreement mistake
competitors
show examples
and
subsequently
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
our own.
Thus
Correct your spelling
This
show examples
would lead to country improvement for the better.
On the contrary
, importing foreign
programmes
could impact
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
local businesses
particularly
Add the comma(s)
, particularly
show examples
entertainment
. It is not impossible that locally produced
programmes
can not compete
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
the quality that
offered
Add a missing verb
is offered
show examples
by
overseas’
Change noun form
overseas
show examples
programmes
.
Accordingly
, the local community would die down. In sequence,
this
phenomenon could shift
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
, be it fashion,
culiner
Correct your spelling
culinary
, and others. External
culture
will become more common as per the demand of local
people
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
continuously
enjoying
Wrong verb form
enjoy
show examples
overseas
programmes
. The worst scenario from
this
is our
people
could forget their own
norm
Fix the agreement mistake
norms
show examples
and cultural practices. Despite
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
different
view points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
show examples
, there has to be a role to limit the influence of foreign
culture
in
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
country.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
should be active
to encourage
Change preposition
in encouraging
show examples
their citizen to continue adoring their own home
culture
. In parallel, the citizens
also
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
to write down patriotism and nationalism within their
heart
Fix the agreement mistake
hearts
show examples
,
then
Correct word choice
so then
show examples
they would not easily
sway
Wrong verb form
be swayed
show examples
by the influence of
other’s
Change noun form
other
show examples
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
.
Therefore
the impact of
entertainment
programmes
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
brought out from overseas will be attainable. In conclusion, importing foreign
entertainment
programmes
is good for cultural education.
Hence
if the afterward impact
do
Verb problem
is
show examples
not
manage
Wrong verb form
managed
show examples
carefully, the downside effect
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
be created.
Therefore
, it is crucial to restrict its domination and to prioritize our nation’s and ancestor’s practices.
Submitted by annisaseptidwiyanti on

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task achievement
Try to make your points clearer and more direct. Ensure each argument is accompanied by specific and relevant examples.
task achievement
Work on developing your ideas more comprehensively. Expand on each point to make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Focus on improving the logical flow within and between paragraphs. Use clear transitions to connect different sections of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Review your word choice and sentence structure to make your essay more polished and readable.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, showing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural diversity
  • foreign films
  • TV series
  • exposure
  • cross-cultural understanding
  • stimulate creativity
  • inspire
  • local productions
  • cultural heritage
  • employment opportunities
  • contribute to the economy
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