Films and computers games containing violence are popular. Some people say they have negative effect on society and should be banned. Others say they are just harmless relaxation. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is a controversial argument all over the world, that violent movies and video
games
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can have a negative impact or they are just hobbies. I would consider both side effects of
this
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entertainment. It is hard to believe that, when
people
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are exposed to violence,
firstly
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, some psychological impacts might occur in their minds,
such
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as anxiety.
For example
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, individuals who are suffering from depression or other issues would become dangerous
due to
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increasing their stress levels.
Secondly
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, violence will be normalized in public,
therefore
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when
people
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face real crime they will not react appropriately.
Finally
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, let us consider the age of children who are using them without restrictions, it would be harmful to them
due to
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their vulnerability. children will be influenced easily by aggressive behavior
also
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they learn from criminals a lot.
On the other hand
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, these movies and
games
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can be an inoffensive entertainment. For
people
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who love to enjoy activities that increase endorphins in their body, it would be a perfect choice.
Nevertheless
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, if we consider the expenses, these are the cheapest ones, so for spending some exciting time and having cheap leisure activity, it would be an ideal choice.
Additionally
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, these types of virtual reality could help
people
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relieve their stress,
also
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strategic and role-playing
games
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seem to be linked with improvement in vision, spatial, and problem-solving skills. In conclusion,
while
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freedom of expression and showing violence in videos and
games
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, should be exciting activities, we have to consider some regulations and limitations for it, to prevent negative impacts .
Submitted by ostorr7213 on

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task response
Your essay addresses both views on the topic, but it needs more specific examples and detailed explanations for a higher score. Try to provide concrete instances or case studies to support your claims.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion, which is good. However, the logical flow could be improved. Make sure each paragraph follows a clear sequence, and link your ideas more effectively using cohesive devices like 'moreover,' 'therefore,' and 'consequently.'
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames your argument.
task response
You have discussed both views on the topic, showing a balanced perspective.
task response
Your use of language to describe psychological impacts and societal effects is relevant and thoughtful.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • violence
  • negative impact
  • aggressive behavior
  • desensitization
  • societal norms
  • restrictions
  • censorship
  • leisure activity
  • harmless entertainment
  • stress relief
  • virtual reality
  • freedom of expression
  • moderation
  • self-regulation
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