IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Write at least 250 words.

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
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Nowadays, there are a lot of sugary
products
 that can cause many health problems. People argue that foods and drinks which contain high levels of
sugar
 should be sold at higher prices in order to reduce consumption.
Hence
, I personally agree with the statement for some reasons that are set out below. There are a lot of food and beverage industries that use a lot of synthetic
sugar
 in their
products
. It is said that
sugar
 can cause addiction, and the more someone is addicted to it, the more they will spend on sugary
products
, which will benefit the companies.
For instance
, juice boxes that are often sold in the supermarket contain 80%
sugar
 and 20% fruit essence. Yet, people seem to love it very much as it gives their tongue a sweet sensation that leads to satisfaction.
Nevertheless
, these
products
 have caused many health issues , especially for the younger generation as children consume artificial
sugar
 in great intake at a very young age, which deteriorates their health as they grow older.
Moreover
, snacks,
such
 as chocolate or cookies are being sold at a lower price, which makes youngsters love them even more.
For example
, 2 months ago, there was news about a nineteen-year-old teenager who suffered from kidney failure
as a result
 of drinking too much sugary drink. She told the media that she used to drink five cans of carbonated drinks every day because it tasted good and cheap. Ultimately, I believe that authorities should make sugary
products
' prices more expensive than healthy snacks. By doing so, it will help to encourage people to consume less
sugar
 and eat more healthy foods.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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task achievement
Include a stronger counter-argument or address potential objections to strengthen the argument for increasing sugary product prices.
supporting ideas
Ensure that the examples used are directly tied to the points being made, reinforcing the argument more cohesively.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion are present, effectively framing the essay.
task achievement
Main points are supported with relevant examples, demonstrating good task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The essay flows well with logical progression between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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