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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, some school leavers choose to work or travel for a year between finishing secondary school and attending university.

In some nations, many high school graduates choose to take a
gap
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
 before continuing to pursue tertiary education.
This
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 essay will discuss both the merits and the drawbacks of that trend, before discussing the author’s view. There are several benefits that a
gap
Use synonyms
year
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 can provide to the students. First and foremost, it fosters an open mindset, especially for those who choose to travel the world or
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
show examples
 in voluntary activities.
In other words
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, students can learn to appreciate cultural uniqueness
as well as
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 empathy and sympathy, which is essential for them to grow into more holistic people.
As well as
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this
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, working during
gap
Use synonyms
 years is associated with higher flexibility and greater creativity, which will be useful when students enter universities and later, job markets.
Conversely
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, taking
gap
Use synonyms
 years
also
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 constitutes numerous demerits. Primarily, it requires a generous budget to fund the activities involved in
such
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period
Correct article usage
a period
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, especially if travelling is included. In fact, graduates taking a
year
Use synonyms
 off may risk being in debt to pay for their trips, which could have detrimental effects on their financial status for university enrolment.
Furthermore
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, deferring education for a long time could result in the loss of study momentum, and
for
Change preposition
apply
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those who start a job during their break
year
Use synonyms
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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may lose the motivation to study
due to
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 the satisfaction of earning money.
As a result
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, many may not return to school after the
gap
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
, which could negatively affect their career prospects. In conclusion, it is inevitable that
gap
Use synonyms
 years can help
cultivating
Wrong verb form
cultivate
show examples
 soft skills and an open mind,
however
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, the disadvantages are
also
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 significant, including the loss of desire for studying and financial debts. In my opinion, high school leavers should not take a
year
Use synonyms
 off as I believe finishing university is more important.
Additionally
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, the
gap
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
 could be taken after finishing bachelor’s degrees, which will benefit the fresh graduates by preparing them the necessary skills for their professional development.

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task achievement
To enhance task response, try to actively use more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from more diverse vocabulary and sentence structures to elevate its clarity and sophistication. Try varying your sentence openings and using more advanced synonyms.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year. This is excellent for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong and logical structure in your essay, with clear paragraphs dedicated to discussing the pros, cons, and your opinion, which helps in coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, summarizing your points effectively and offering a clear viewpoint, strengthening the overall structure of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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