IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In the 21st century, many companies allow their employees to work from home. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

#st #century #companies #employees #work #home #development
Many businesses permit their staff members to
work
 remotely through computers in The 21st century . Despite there being a few negatives to be linked to
this
 tendency, I feel that the possible benefits would be far more considerable. There are mainly three drawbacks for
employees
. From an individual perspective, some
companies
such
 as Microsoft, Google ,Apple and others big
companies
 want their
employees
 to
work
 in their offices
due to
 the fact that they consider it more efficient for
workers
. Take,
for example
, some
companies
 want
employees
 to
work
 together to acquire good results. A
further
 drawback is that
such
workers
 get used to a solitary lifestyle .
As a consequence
 , people are used to
such
 a lifestyle and
this
 leads to being overweight and asociality .
Additionally
, after a
while
 they get lazy , so they lose some skills
such
 as waking up an early or active lifestyle and their
work
 quality decreases. Compared to the above-discussed disadvantages,
however
 , there seem to be more benefits of working from
home
 .
First,
some
companies
 are struggling with their budgets and are better off working from
home
 because they can't afford a place for their
employees
.
Furthermore
, some individuals think that working at
home
 is more efficient for
workers
 owing to the fact that they do not waste time with going to
work
 .
Hence
 they can more rest than
workers
 who go to
work
 every day and
home
 is cosy for most people.
In addition
, 2 years ago, one of the
companies
 decided to have all their staff stay at
home
 and
work
 from
home
due to
 Covid-19.
As a result
, the company was chosen as the best company of the year To summarize, I would maintain that the benefits of remote
work
 because
that is
 more good
workers
 because they suffer less than other
workers
 and I think that the results are good enough
Submitted by writingbhos on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language Use
To improve further, try to enrich your essay with a more varied vocabulary. This would allow you to express your ideas more precisely and engagingly.
Introduction & Conclusion Structure
Consider using a clearer introduction and conclusion to strengthen your argument. This will help in making your position more explicit from the beginning and summarizing your viewpoint effectively at the end.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence, work on smoother transitions between paragraphs. Using linking phrases can help create a more fluid and natural progression of ideas.
Balanced Argument
You provided a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of working from home, which is crucial for a task like this.
Use of Examples
Using specific examples, such as the mention of companies like Microsoft, Google, and Apple, strengthens your argument and makes it more convincing.
Conclusion
Your conclusion ties together the essay's main points well, reaffirming your stance effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: