IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The computer is widely used in education and some people think that teachers will not play important roles in the classroom. To what extent do you agree?

#computer #education #people #teachers #roles #classroom
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In
current
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the current
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 modern world,
school
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the school
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 utilizes technology, especially
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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 as their main media to convey
the
Correct article usage
apply
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knowledge and curriculum or to assess their students.
However
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, there are pros and cons between using
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computer
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a computer
the computer
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 and the traditional way, which is in
this
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 case
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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held by
teacher
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 interaction. On the
first
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other
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 hand,
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teacher
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the teacher
a teacher
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 has so much value that
Use synonyms
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
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 cannot duplicate.
The human
Correct article usage
Human
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 interaction is what is missing when students solely
just using
Wrong verb form
use
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Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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 as their lecturer. Education is not all about written knowledge and skill, there are several other aspects that have to be taught to the youngster in the school.
This
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 is where
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teacher
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the teacher
a teacher
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 comes in handy, for
an
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apply
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instance, moral
value
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values
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 cannot be
teached
Correct your spelling
reached
 by
computer
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. There are many other aspects that seem to be constraints for
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computer
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computers
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 to be held accountable for.
On the other hand
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,
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computer
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computers
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 hold so much bigger role than ever. Nowadays,
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computer
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the computer
a computer
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 has what's called logic in
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 processing device. It has so much impact on how to assess the students and has so much less bias toward young age. In my conclusion,
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teacher
Add an article
the teacher
a teacher
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 has to exploit the power and influence that technology has, objectivity. In my opinion, the day-to-day education interaction has to be done by
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teacher
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the teacher
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 rather than
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computer
Change preposition
by computer
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 to ensure the non-formal aspects as I said earlier in the previous section.
Nevertheless
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, the assessment phase is so much more convenient and precise with
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computer
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computers
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.
Lastly
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, education is about teaching one to another human being, we cannot rely fully on technology, which cannot sense other than numbers and words.
Submitted by apriandijonathan on

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coherence cohesion
You should clearly state your position in the introduction and summarize your main points in the conclusion. This will make your essay more cohesive.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your points stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Watch out for minor language issues such as verb agreements and article usage. These small mistakes can add up and impact your score.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You recognized both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced view and depth in your discussion.
task achievement
You touched on important aspects like moral value and human interaction, which are relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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