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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to the Ashdown museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The chart shows the results of a survey asking visitors how satisfied they are with their visit during the same two periods.

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to the Ashdown museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The chart shows the results of a survey asking visitors how satisfied they are with their visit during the same two periods.
#numbers #visitors #ashdown #museum #year #results #survey #visit #two #periods
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Firstly
Linking Words
, I would like to start with the
year
Use synonyms
 before
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 we almost have a tie between satisfied and dissatisfied with satisfied being 30 % and dissatisfied 40% , it is a shocker for the dissatisfied to be the highest percentage, that might be a reason for the
refurbishment
Use synonyms
. Now moving on to the
year
Use synonyms
 after
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 we can easily see a huge improvement
such
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 as 40% are now satisfied it is like the tables have turned , the second biggest percentage being very satisfied which proves a 100% improvement
then
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 the
year
Use synonyms
 before
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 and even the very dissatisfied were at 10% now thankfully it is only 5%.
Lastly
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, the dissatisfaction in the
year
Use synonyms
 after
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 dropped down to 25% ,
overall
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 the positive impact that the
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 had clearly was a great choice from the Ashdown Museum.
Finally
Linking Words
, everybody can agree even if they were not a part of the people who voted or went to the museum it is very clear by only looking at the chart.
Submitted by alaanoudaltammaami on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, refurbishment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "improvement" was used 2 times.
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