IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s #lives
In recent years, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a compelling debate about the role of
science
 in individuals’
lives
.
While
 most of them state that scientific measures should merely be limited to humans’
lives
, others believe that
science
 must be addressed
the
Change preposition
around the
show examples
 whole globe which
direct
Replace the word
directly
show examples
 or
indirect
Replace the word
indirectly
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 effects on all human generations. Personally, I firmly adhere to
second
Change the article
the second
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 notion in which all generations and any
alive
Correct word choice
living
show examples
 creature must be regarded
important
Change preposition
as important
show examples
. Advocates, including me, suggest that people should experience a prosperous life.
In addition
, they deserve the best technologies and services, but these benefiting from
globe’s
Correct article usage
the globe’s
show examples
 precious resources should not be in a selfish way.
It is clear that
science
 in numerous ways comes to assist humans’
lives
, including medical health care and agricultural industries. Given the recent discoveries,
such
 as
COVID-19
Correct article usage
the COVID-19
show examples
 vaccine or an old invention like penicillin, scientists are of the opinion that these assistances of
science
 save countless
lives
 and transport the
world
 into
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 place for life. Despite these life advancements, humans are constantly trying
in polluting
Change preposition
to pollute
show examples
 the
world
;
therefore
, the future
world
 is more likely
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
show examples
 a bad place for the coming generation.
On the other hand
, in agricultural works, agrarians make significant promoting in
this
 industry.
Additionally
, these days, farmers have advanced
instrument
Fix the agreement mistake
instruments
show examples
 and devices for benefiting from resources,
such
 as weather, soil,
water
Correct word choice
and water
show examples
 in
deeper
Add an article
the deeper
a deeper
show examples
layer
Fix the agreement mistake
layers
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 of ground.
Therefore
, they can increase the yield
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 main
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
such
 as wheat and rice.
For example
, we are constantly observing the recent advancements in TV documentaries
such
 as the strawberries that have been tripled in size or watermelons which are blue in colour but are very
sweat
Replace the word
sweaty
show examples
 and watery
and
Correct word choice
apply
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etc.
furthermore
, experts have manufactured
exceptionally
Change the word
exceptional
show examples
 pesticides that can kill the pests more efficient than the past. It is noticeable that enhanced pesticides have jeopardized neither human health nor animals’
lives
. Experts believe
such
 conservation improvements and considerate actions assist the whole
world
. In conclusion,
although
 humans significant right and share of living in the
world
, I wholeheartedly believe that people should consider the
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
 of both the coming generations and any
alive
Correct word choice
living
show examples
 creature
while
 they use the whole valuable resources in the
world
.
Submitted by saharaqajani on

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task achievement
Your introduction sets up the debate well, but your thesis statement could be more clearly stated. Try summarizing your main argument in one clear sentence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that reflects the main idea of the paragraph. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Some of your sentences are lengthy and can be broken down into simpler sentences for better understanding and clarity.
task achievement
When providing examples, try to link them more directly to your argument. This will make your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is concise, but restating some of your main points from the body paragraphs will create a stronger summary.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your arguments, like the discussion about COVID-19 vaccine and agricultural advancements. This enhances the relevance and impact of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical progression from one idea to the next, which reflects good organization.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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