Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
It is sometimes argued that with the help of
music
, we can bring people
from different nations and ages together. I agree with this
notion to some extent. The word "music
" is a general term that refers to any kind of music
. While
there are a plethora of songs
that have the potential to bring all individuals together, there are some kinds of music
that not only cannot bring people
together but also
can separate them.
On the one hand, there is a load of music
that can connect people
around the world together. The most important and famous one is the Olympic songs
. For instance
, I remember vividly that the song
for the 2012 Olympics was so famous and many people
around the world had that song
on their cell phones and a lot of people
sang that song
on playgrounds. Also
, popular and famous music
can bring people
together too. For instance
, there is a heavy metal band called Metallica, and hundreds of thousands of people
from America, China, Canada, Australia and other countries with different age groups went to its concerts and danced with their rhythms together. Similarly
, some songs
are historical and symbolic, which can be used as a way for unity. For example
, there is an Italian song
called Bella Ciao, which means beautiful hello. This
song
became so famous among people
across the world and they sang this
song
together in streets, fights, protests, etc.
On the other hand
, a few types of music
can affect negatively communities for several reasons. Firstly
, some of them can be anti-religion music
. Black metal and death metal are two types of music
that have many satanism symbols. While
these songs
are so exciting, religious people
do not like these music
. Secondly
, some music
has racist sentences and they separate people
by their race. These songs
can detrimentally affect citizens from different nationalities. Lastly
, many songs
do not have any effect on people
gathering, such
as national music
.
In conclusion, I partially agree with this
claim that music
can bring people
from different cultures and ages together. In my opinion, many music
have this
potential, while
some music
does not.Submitted by amir1375.6 on
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coherence cohesion
To elevate your score, consider refining the clarity of your arguments. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and avoid any ambiguity. This can be achieved by occasionally summarizing your main points within the paragraph for increased emphasis.
task achievement
While you've provided some relevant examples, they could be more diverse and evenly distributed. Try to balance examples supporting the idea of unity and those indicating division, to help your argument stay robust and clear.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, giving a clear overview of your stance from the beginning and summing it effectively at the end.
task achievement
The use of specific examples like the Olympic song, Metallica, and Bella Ciao adds strength to your argument and demonstrates good task achievement.