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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achive anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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It is certainly true that encourage
kids
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 and tell them they can achieve their goals if they try their best and
work
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 hard.
However
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, not all the effects of
this
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 innovation have been positive,
although
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 there are certainly some advantages. There are several drawbacks to telling children to try hard to get what they want. A common criticism of encouraging
kids
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 to
work
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 hard is that
kids
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 may fail after working hard,
consequently
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,
this
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 will lead them to feel disappointed and hopeless,
furthermore
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 if the kid fails after he works hard
this
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 will have a bad effect on his personality,
moreover
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 it will make the kid a negative person in the future,
for instance
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 asking a boy to practice hard at a football game to become a football player,
however
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, he did not have the talent or the skills that make him a player, that will lead
this
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 kid to hate all type of sports. In spite of these negative aspects,
however
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, encouraging
kids
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 to
work
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 hard has brought important benefits as well. One
such
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 advantage of telling children to
work
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 hard is that
kids
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 will do their best to achieve their goals and that will lead them to increase and improve the skills they have. Another positive effect is that encouraging
kids
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 will affect positively their personalities and
this
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 will have a positive effect on their lives eventually. In conclusion,
while
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 there are some obvious drawbacks to encouraging
kids
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 to
work
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 hard, telling children to do their best to achieve their goals has brought us many benefits at the same time.

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relevant specific examples
Try to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points clearly. This will help in making your argument more convincing and robust.
logical structure
Work on enhancing the logical structure of your essay by ensuring that each point naturally leads to the next. Use clear transition words to help the reader follow your argument more easily.
clear comprehensive ideas
Focus on developing your ideas more comprehensively. Expand on each point to provide a fuller picture of your argument.
introduction conclusion present
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion which helps in framing your argument well.
complete response
Your response addresses the task completely, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the message given to children.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Perseverance
  • Resilience
  • Self-Esteem
  • Aspirations
  • Growth Mindset
  • Innate Ability
  • Unrealistic Expectations
  • Frustration
  • Disappointment
  • Pressure
  • Stress
  • Overwhelmed
  • Anxious
  • External Factors
  • Inherent Talents
  • Lofty Goals
What to do next:
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