IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

These days, many people have their own computer and telephone, so it is quite easy for them to do their job at home. Does working at home have more advantages or more disadvantages?

Numerous people these days have their own devices
such
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 as laptops, and mobile.
Therefore
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, it becomes more simple to do
work
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 from
jobs
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.
Although
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 these
jobs
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 have major drawbacks like no interaction with others, and becoming lazy
along with
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 obese,
this
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 has benefits
such
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 as saving a lot of expenditure and not investing precious time and travel time. On the one hand, getting a
work
Use synonyms
-from-home career prepares staff to become obese and lazy. These bad qualities can lead to destroy their self-dedication and focus on their professional
as well as
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 personal lives. Always staying at home will cut down physical interaction with anyone and it would lower their communication skills and social thinking.
For instance
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, The researchers have revealed in the study of online
jobs
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, that people who have online
work
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 have lost 53% of interaction with society.
On the other hand
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, the foremost benefit of employees who
work
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 from home
,
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apply
show examples
 is saving a lot of money compared to those who go in person for their
jobs
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 because they do not need to spend for transportation, food, etc.
Moreover
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, it saves valuable time to utilize in other leisure activities at home. One more advantage of
this
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 is employees can
work
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 without any tension and stress.
On the contrary
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, employees can do their
jobs
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 with full concentration and comfort.
For example
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, my childhood friend is very happy with his current online job because he is more flexible in managing both job and household duties.
Hence
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,
this
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 essay believes that getting an online job has numerous benefits. In conclusion, people who
work
Use synonyms
 online with their own devices become more persistent and focused,
however
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, it gives other bad habits and qualities.

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task achievement
Try to provide a clearer introduction that clearly outlines your main points and states your opinion on the advantages or disadvantages of working from home.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words and phrases to help connect your ideas and paragraphs more smoothly for better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use simple sentences to state your ideas directly and clearly to improve understanding.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view with both advantages and disadvantages of working from home, which is a good approach.
task achievement
You included personal experience which makes your arguments more relatable and interesting.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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