IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children's sports team for two years or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter: & Describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team. & Summaries the benefits of paying for the concerts. & Say how you think the company should spend the money.

#company #area #amount #money #sponsor #children #sports #team #two #years #concerts #feedback #summaries
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
 letter to express my perspectives regarding your sponsorship within our community.
Firstly
, I wish to extend my gratitude for your decision, as it will undoubtedly yield positive outcomes in various contexts. Currently, our public school comprises two basketball
teams
 that, unfortunately, lack adequate training opportunities. The children participating in these
teams
 demonstrate remarkable talent; should they receive the same levels of support and resources as students in private schools, many may aspire to pursue careers in basketball.
Furthermore
, our community rarely convenes
due to
 the high costs associated with basic necessities, which limits individuals' ability to allocate funds toward social gatherings.
Consequently
, hosting two open-air concerts would prove beneficial for all, as attendance would be free of charge. I strongly advocate for investment in our children's basketball
teams
.
Although
 I do not have children myself, I recognise that they represent our future, and enhancing the quality of our sports
teams
 would significantly contribute to their development. Yours faithfully, Kurbonov Arthur
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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logical structure
While the letter is well-structured, incorporating a concluding paragraph that succinctly summarizes the main points can enhance logical structure.
single idea per paragraph
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea to improve clarity and coherence.
suitable writing tone
The tone of the letter is respectful and appropriately formal, which suits the context of addressing a company.
complete response
The letter effectively addresses all three prompts, providing a complete response to the task.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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