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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. However, some people feel that this has both positive and negative effects. Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its increase in popularity have on individuals and on society?

#leisure #activity #people #effects #popularity #individuals #society
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In recent years, shopping has turned over to become an enjoyable activity and fun.
However
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, people think there are two sides to
this
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 activity a positive and a negative side. In the following text, I will explain both views and share my personal opinion.
Firstly
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, a lot of families go to the mall, market, stores and shops to buy various stuff for their personal daily needs and for their kids.
Furthermore
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, they go to malls to have fun times with their kids and share the excitement of purchasing home supplies.
In addition
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, going to fast food in malls and having a delicious meal with the family.
Also
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, it will increase society's wealth by growing buyer attitudes toward paying more cash for the economy.
On the other hand
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, shopping hoppy
,
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 has a lot of negative effects on the community and individuals.
For instance
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, buying unnecessary items using a credit card will increase debts and burden the buyers with extra cash,
Consequently
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, the community will be affected by increasing household debts which leads by the end to lower market buying patterns. In conclusion, expanding shopping has positive and negative sides on people and society. In my opinion, the fast rise of shopping is having a negative effect on the population and the community because they buy only for fun and burden their budgets with extra money not necessary at all.
Submitted by basemhamedd on

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task achievement
The essay needs to delve a bit deeper into both the positive and negative effects, providing more specific examples and explanations. For instance, how does increased spending boost the economy? Can you think of specific personal or societal downsides beyond debt?
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next. The introduction and conclusion are good, but the body paragraphs can benefit from smoother transitions to improve the overall flow.
overall
There are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. For example, 'turned over to become' should be 'has turned into,' and 'on the community and individuals' should likely be 'on individuals and the community.'
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well structured, offering a clear view of what will be discussed and summarizing the main points effectively.
task achievement
You address both sides of the argument, considering both positive and negative effects of shopping as a leisure activity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure activity
  • consumer culture
  • emotional satisfaction
  • consumerism
  • advertising influence
  • online shopping platforms
  • sense of pleasure
  • social interaction
  • boost the economy
  • compulsive shopping
  • materialism
  • environmental degradation
  • unsustainable demand
  • social inequalities
  • status through possessions
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