Q. People who go to live in other countries, should follow the customs and traditions of the new country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, people migrate to other countries more often than ever previously. Some people argue that those who translocate to new places should follow the value system of those nations. Even though it is so beneficial to adopt new customs and lore of a new place, one can still practice his own culture wherever he lives and the reasons are explained below.
To begin
with, the values and behaviours of an individual are set up by the society where he/she has been born. To change them when he/she moves to a different country is somewhat creating a cultural shock.
This
will result in adjustment problems and the individual may suffer in silence.
For instance
, many nurses who travelled to Western countries from India have returned home after they have experienced a cultural shock.
Therefore
,
it is clear that
there should not be any compulsion to follow the ritual of the new place.
Furthermore
, if it is forced to follow these value systems, there is every chance of a conflict in the community.
Such
instances have happened in the towns of Leicestershire in the UK recently, where public demonstrations were organised to allow for their own cultural practices. To avoid
such
things, it is better not to make them compulsorily follow the local practices and customs.
Nonetheless
, practising local values and behaviours gives an advantage in building a successful life in the new place. folks will be made to believe that they are identified as the locals and, in turn, increases the local support and chances of survival.
To conclude
,
although
it is beneficial to follow local culture, one can still hold on to his own belief system in which he was brought up.
Submitted by krishnabalu1984 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay would benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction, where you clearly state your stance on the topic. This helps the reader understand your position from the outset.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs have clear topic sentences to improve the logical structure of the essay. This makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
While your points are relevant, providing more detailed examples and elaboration on those points will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of ideas across paragraphs. Try to present new points or further develop existing ones.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong conclusion that effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates your stance, contributing positively to the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with paragraphs that flow logically from one to the other, which helps maintain the reader's interest and understanding.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples that support your main points, making your arguments more credible and relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: