IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Should museums should be free, OR some entry fee should be there. Discuss both sides and opine.

#museums #entry #fee #opine
The entrance fee for the
museums
 ought to be deemed after considering the importance of
museums
.
Although
 free entrance can benefit people, it may cause some financial
problems
 in the museum. There is an idea museum
entry
 fees should be free for everyone. It is the perfect idea that there is not enough money to pay for
entry
 to
museums
 and
this
 idea gives a chance to all people to improve their world view. If
museums
 were free, everyone would have opportunities to go and see all kinds of exhibitions and they could improve their viewpoint.
In addition
, If museum
entry
 fees were free, every young generation would have opportunities to see all kinds of exhibitions there that they read about in many books and they could strengthen their knowledge from
museums
.
Therefore
,
museums
 and
also
 their
entry
 fee should be free through
this
,
museums
 help to increase human spirituality.
On the other hand
,
museums
 should not be free, because there may be some financial
problems
 related to employees' salaries or may not be able to bring new expats.
Such
problems
 lead to an increase in employee strikes
due to
 low wages, and a decrease in new exhibits in
museums
.
As a result
,
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
this
, In the country
museums
 will not develop.
In addition
, Financial
problems
 create difficulties for governments, because afterwards, governments will appear responsible for funding
museums
. In conclusion,
museums
 and
also
 entrance fees ought to be free despite financial issues, for the reason that broadens
communitis's
Remove the s
communitis'
show examples
 world view and strengthens the knowledge of the young generation
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and helps nations to spend their free time with productive activities.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay does a good job of acknowledging both sides of the argument. However, ensure each point is fully developed with specific examples to make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows smoothly into the next. Using linking words and phrases can help improve cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purposes, but make sure your conclusion clearly restates your opinion and summarizes the main points discussed.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is essential for this type of prompt.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets the stage well for the discussion, and the conclusion wraps up the essay nicely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: