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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Nowadays, people always throw the old things away when they buy new things; whereas in the past, old things were repaired and used again. What factors cause this phenomenon? What effects the phenomenon leads to?

#people #factors #phenomenon #effects
Recently, unlike in the past, more and more
people
 tend to buy something new
instead
 of fixing the existing one and prefer to get rid of it.
This
 essay will try to identify the factors contributing to
this
 and
also
 explain some of the issues it is likely to create in
recently
Change the adverb
recent
show examples
 behaviour. There are many reasons why individuals are more likely
purchase
Fix the infinitive
to purchase
show examples
 new items rather than fix items they already own. One important factor is the economic conditions for most of the population are better than in the past. Many
people
 have higher incomes, allowing them to buy new things easily without worrying about a lack of money.
For example
, the rapid turnover of
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 demonstrates how consumers prefer to upgrade
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 latest model rather than
repairing
Wrong verb form
repair
show examples
 their
exist
Change the form of the verb
existing
show examples
 devices.
Moreover
, the consumerist lifestyle
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 changing
people
 to prioritise convenience and newness.
For example
, many
people
 prefer to buy new furniture rather than
refurbishing
Wrong verb form
refurbish
show examples
 their existing pieces, as it saves time and provides immediate satisfaction with the latest styles and trends. Perhaps the worst problem stemming from
this
 is the increase in the amount of waste. When someone often
buy
Change the verb form
buys
show examples
 new stuff to replace something that they think
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 outdated or obsolete, they are potentially contributing to
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 mountain of trash.
Additionally
,
this
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only places a significant burden on landfills but
also
 increases the demand for resources to produce new products,
thus
 exacerbating environmental degradation. In conclusion, the current trend of buying new items and throwing away the old ones is driven by changes in economic success
as well as
 a consumerist lifestyle, which
it
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 turn could lead to
reduction
Add an article
a reduction
show examples
 in environmental quality.
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task achievement
While the essay addresses the topic and provides relevant points, some ideas could be further expanded and elaborated upon. For maximum score, aim to delve deeper into the factors causing the phenomenon and their effects, providing a wider range of examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical flow of ideas and contains an introduction and a conclusion that appropriately frame the argument. However, ensuring smoother transitions between points and paragraphs will enhance the overall coherence. Consider using more linking phrases and better structuring between paragraphs.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear and well-framed introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.
relevant specific examples
Relevant examples, such as the turnover of smartphones and new furniture purchases, effectively illustrate the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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