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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that children who commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #crimes #parents
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People’s opinions differ as to whether or not
parents
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 should be given punishment in cases where their
children
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 commit crimes.
While
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 there are a few arguments supporting the view that penalties for
parents
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 are necessary, I still believe that punishing
children
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 themselves and rehabilitating them is a more effective way. There are several reasons why some individuals might argue that
parents
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 are always responsible for
children
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’s criminal activities. First and foremost,
parents
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 play a crucial role in shaping their
children
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’s
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
.
In other words
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, if a child commits a crime, it may reflect a failure in parental guidance and supervision.
Secondly
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, many crimes committed by
children
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 stem from environmental factors
such
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 as poverty, neglect, or abuse, which would mean that holding
parents
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 accountable may encourage a focus on addressing these root causes rather than just penalizing the child. In spite of the above arguments, I support the view that punishing
children
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 for breaking the rules can be effective.
Firstly
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,
children
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 should be held accountable for their actions. To be specific,
this
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 perspective emphasizes that even young individuals are capable of understanding right from wrong and should face consequences for their
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
.
In addition
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 to
this
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, the justice system can provide opportunities for rehabilitation, meaning that by addressing the
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 directly,
children
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 can receive the help they need to reform and reintegrate into society.
Therefore
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, it is important to give punishments to
children
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 for their own criminal attitudes. In conclusion,
although
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 there could be two main factors contributing to why many people think that
parents
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 should be responsible even if their
children
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 commit a crime, I believe that
children
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 should be punished in
this
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 case for many reasons. #EssayByMe 🕸️ @dilshod_bro 🌾
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, provide more specific examples or data to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs, but you could enhance coherence by using more varied transition words and phrases to better connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Develop the conclusion further by summarizing both views more precisely before giving your final opinion. This can make your essay more balanced and comprehensive.
task achievement
You provide a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear introductions, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your language is clear and precise, which helps convey your ideas effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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