IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
In
this
 modern world,
technology
 has created a big impact on the generation. Some
people
 believe, Nowadays the vast number of young
people
's population is higher than the old generation
people
's count.
While
 it is true every topic has its own advantages and disadvantages. In
this
 essay, I will explain the various advantages of the topic and demonstrate why they hold great significance compared to disadvantages.
To begin
 with, one prominent advantage is that, they have more
technology
knowledge
. To illustrate
this
, at present, the world is modified with the latest
technology
 updates, which are created by a new generation, and they are useful for the growth of many
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
.
Moreover
, all schools, institutions, and universities
also
 introduce new technologies
such
 as online classes and online studies.
Therefore
, a younger population is needed for all growing countries.
For example
, At the University of Japan, statics students' research results were surprising. They tested adults' and old gene
people
’s
technology
 side
knowledge
, 65% of the older crowd was down with
technology
knowledge
.
On the other hand
, it will lead to cultural disorder. To brief, nowadays many youngsters try to copy Western culture,
therefore
, the country's culture will be affected.
For instance
, young
people
 spoil their valuable time with unnecessary entertainment
such
 as nightclubs. In conclusion,
While
, it has disadvantages
such
 as it will lead to cultural disorder, The advantage, of youngsters having more
technology
knowledge
 offers is undeniable.
Therefore
. I strongly believe the advantages far outweigh the drawbacks.
Submitted by shruthiudhai7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay's response covers both advantages and disadvantages, but it would benefit from deeper analysis and stronger arguments. Try to elaborate more on your points to provide a complete and compelling response.
coherence and cohesion
Improve logical structure by making sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Use transitional phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay contains an introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, aim for more nuanced conclusions and ensure your introduction is more engaging.
task achievement
Good use of relevant examples, especially in the second paragraph where you provided a statistic from a study. This strengthens your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion successfully summarizes the main points and offers a clear standpoint.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
Look at other essays: