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Band 4.5

Some people think that family has the most powerful influence on a child’s development, while others think that other factors such as television, friend, music have the biggest effects. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #influence #child’s #development #factors #television #friend #music #effects
In society,
families
 hold the biggest influence over their child’s education and enhancement.
Otherwise
, other factors
such
 as
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
,
television
, and
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
show examples
 outside environment
also
 play a huge part
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their development.
This
 essay will discuss both opinions. Over the years, the responsibilities of
families
 are to embrace and guide their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 to lead a better life ahead. Ultimately, kids will spend most of their day with family,
hence
 the
families
Change noun form
family's
families'
show examples
 dominations are greater than any other factors.
For instance
, kids
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 showered with love at home will eventually become
a caring
Correct the article-noun agreement
a caring child
caring children
show examples
children
 to others.
Thus
, it is crucial for parents to understand their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 so that parent can
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a meaningful impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
children
.
Nevertheless
, other aspects that
surroundings
Correct your spelling
surrounding
show examples
children
such
 as friends, school,
television
Correct word choice
and television
show examples
, can
also
 affect
toddlers
Change noun form
toddlers'
toddler's
show examples
 development.
For example
, it is known that around
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2010 many
children
got
Verb problem
were
show examples
 affected by violent
television
 programs, making their behaviour aggressive
to
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 their parents and friends.
However
, the domination of
outer
Correct article usage
the outer
show examples
 environment to the youngster
cound
Correct your spelling
can
 be monitored by their
families
.
Families
 can prevent their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
to watch
Change preposition
from watching
show examples
 any dangerous
television
 program at home and parents can filter which fine school to send their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
.
Change preposition
to.
show examples
Hence
, the closest people
such
 as family hold a greater influence over the
children
 than anything else. In conclusion, it is true that both family and outer environment
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
impact
Correct article usage
an impact
show examples
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
kids’s
Remove the s
kids’
show examples
andavement
Correct your spelling
management
. In spite of that,
families
 are still the closest people
exist
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to their toddlers resulting
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 domination
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 the most powerful over others.
Submitted by annisaseptidwiyanti on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the core of the task by discussing both views on the influence of family and other factors on a child's development and providing your opinion. However, ensure you provide clearer and more specific examples to strengthen your points. For instance, instead of mentioning "violent television programs" in general, you could name specific types of programs or scenarios.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally clear, with distinct sections for discussing family influence and external factors. Yet, the transition between these sections can be improved for smoother flow. Using cohesive devices such as transitional phrases (e.g., "On the other hand," or "In contrast") will aid in this.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow your argument. You stay on topic and provide valid points for both perspectives.
task achievement
You have shown an ability to discuss different viewpoints and substantiate your claims with supportive arguments. Your conclusion effectively summarizes the insights presented.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • primary influence
  • development
  • instill values
  • norms
  • emotional foundation
  • social skills
  • role modeling
  • socioeconomic status
  • opportunities
  • resources
  • external factors
  • peer influence
  • teenage years
  • impact mood
  • cultural understanding
  • environment
  • role models
  • social media
  • shaping modern childhoods
What to do next:
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