Some people think that family has the most powerful influence on a child’s development, while others think that other factors such as television, friend, music have the biggest effects. Discuss both views and give your opinion?
In society,
families
hold the biggest influence over their child’s education and enhancement. Otherwise
, other factors such
as friend
, Fix the agreement mistake
friends
television
, and child’s
outside environment Correct article usage
a child’s
also
play a huge part on
their development. Change preposition
in
This
essay will discuss both opinions.
Over the years, the responsibilities of families
are to embrace and guide their offsprings
to lead a better life ahead. Ultimately, kids will spend most of their day with family, Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
hence
the families
dominations are greater than any other factors. Change noun form
family's
families'
For instance
, kids that
showered with love at home will eventually become Correct pronoun usage
who
a caring
Correct the article-noun agreement
a caring child
caring children
children
to others. Thus
, it is crucial for parents to understand their offsprings
so that parent can Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
give
a meaningful impact Verb problem
have
for
their Change preposition
on
children
.
Nevertheless
, other aspects that surroundings
Correct your spelling
surrounding
children
such
as friends, school, television
, can Correct word choice
and television
also
affect toddlers
development. Change noun form
toddlers'
toddler's
For example
, it is known that around year
2010 many Change the article
the year
children
got
affected by violent Verb problem
were
television
programs, making their behaviour aggressive to
their parents and friends. Change preposition
toward
However
, the domination of outer
environment to the youngster Correct article usage
the outer
cound
be monitored by their Correct your spelling
can
families
. Families
can prevent their child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
to watch
any dangerous Change preposition
from watching
television
program at home and parents can filter which fine school to send their offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
.
Change preposition
to.
Hence
, the closest people such
as family hold a greater influence over the children
than anything else.
In conclusion, it is true that both family and outer environment give
Verb problem
have
impact
Correct article usage
an impact
into
Change preposition
on
kids’s
Remove the s
kids’
andavement
. In spite of that, Correct your spelling
management
families
are still the closest people exist
to their toddlers resulting Verb problem
apply
their
domination Change preposition
in their
are
the most powerful over others.Wrong verb form
being
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the core of the task by discussing both views on the influence of family and other factors on a child's development and providing your opinion. However, ensure you provide clearer and more specific examples to strengthen your points. For instance, instead of mentioning "violent television programs" in general, you could name specific types of programs or scenarios.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally clear, with distinct sections for discussing family influence and external factors. Yet, the transition between these sections can be improved for smoother flow. Using cohesive devices such as transitional phrases (e.g., "On the other hand," or "In contrast") will aid in this.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow your argument. You stay on topic and provide valid points for both perspectives.
task achievement
You have shown an ability to discuss different viewpoints and substantiate your claims with supportive arguments. Your conclusion effectively summarizes the insights presented.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?