IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that wild animals should not be kept in zoos. Others believe that there are good reasons for having zoos. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #animals #zoos
In today's society,people's perspectives on wild
animals
has
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have
show examples
 shown divergence.
Therefore
,the question of whether wild
animals
 should be kept
on
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in
show examples
zoos
 has become a matter of considerable debate.
This
 essay will explore both viewpoints and I believe that keeping
animals
 in
zoos
 brings about numerous benefits. On one hand,
adovates
Correct your spelling
advocates
 of wild
animals
 not being captived in
zoos
 contend that it is
a
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an
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 ethically wrongful practice,which leads to the
undermiming
Correct your spelling
undermining
 of
animals
' freedom.
Moreover
,especially in a wide range of wild
animals
,they need more spacious spaces to live and move,
such
 as lions,tigers,and kangaroos.Even more importantly,keeping those in
zoos
 may impact the ecosystem,as they play a
curcial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 role in
balacing
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balancing
 the food chain.It contributes to disrupting the environment in
manyaspects
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many aspects
.
Additionally
,when wild
animals
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 kept in
zoos
,it may result in the degradation of natural ability over time.
On the other hand
,proponents of keeping those in
zoos
 assert
that is
 an effective approach to protecting a variety of
animals
.
For instance
,numerous wild
animals
 face the risk of disappearance.
However
,
zoos
 can offer
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 stable and safer environment for them,ensuring
animals
 not facing diverse threats,
such
 as predators and
nutural
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natural
 disasters.
This
,in turn,
make
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makes
show examples
 it easier to maintain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
biodiversity.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
,
this
 measure
also
 provides an opportunity with people to
appreaciate
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appreciate
 various wild
animals
,thereby gaining a deeper
understanging
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understanding
 of these stunning and valuable creatures. For the reasons mentioned above,it seems to me that keeping wild
animals
 in
zoos
contibutes
Correct your spelling
contributes
 to many
advatages
Correct your spelling
advantages
,
such
 as
echancing
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increasing
 the levels of protection,avoiding the risk of natural
damge
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damage
,and increasing the opportunities
of
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for
show examples
education-all
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education
show examples
of
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apply
show examples
which benefit both
animals
 and people.
Submitted by zora840810 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay contains all necessary parts: an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical transition between ideas could be smoother. Consider using more linking phrases like 'however,' 'on the contrary,' and 'similarly.'
task achievement
Your main points are mostly supported, but some arguments could use more concrete examples or evidence. Try to include specific examples that illustrate your points in a more vivid way.
coherence cohesion
There are minor grammatical errors and typos that disrupt the flow of reading (e.g., 'adovates,' 'captived,' 'undermiming'). Proofreading your essay for such errors will improve clarity and readability.
task achievement
The essay responds well to the prompt and discusses both viewpoints clearly. This demonstrates a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion ties back to the main points discussed and provides a clear opinion, which helps reinforce the essay’s arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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