Many people around the world use social media to keep in touch with other people and get the news. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays many individuals around the
world
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use social
media
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platforms to
contact
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families and friends and get the
news
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. Despite the the negative effects of using social
media
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on
there
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their
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health
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, I believe that using them allows
people
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to
contact
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their loved ones from far places. Using social
media
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can have a negative impact on
people
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's
health
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.
This
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is because the platforms are designed to attract
people
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to use them and make them procrastinate and spend more time on their phones which leads them to become addicted.
This
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addiction causes many
health
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issues
such
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as depression, loss of sight, anxiety and brain damage
due to
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the overwatch of short videos.
For example
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, the US government is trying to ban the TikTok platform in their country
due to
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the
health
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issues that the short videos cause.
However
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, I believe
people
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need these
programs
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to get
news
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and keep in touch with
people
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they love. Social
media
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gives
people
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the chance to know about the
world
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around them and
contact
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their
beloved
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loved
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ones. These
programs
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allow
people
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to talk with their families especially when they live far away from each other and give them the opportunity to know individuals from other countries.
Also
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, using social
media
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helps
people
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to have knowledge of the
world
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around them and know new rules in their countries by getting the
news
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from these platforms.
For instance
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, nearly one million
people
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from Saudi Arabia follow the Saudi
News
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account on Instagram to get
news
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.
Therefore
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, I think using social
media
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programs
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are
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is
show examples
helpful to individuals. In conclusion,
although
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using social
programs
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can negatively affect the users'
health
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, many
people
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nowadays use them to
contact
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their families and know what is going on in the
world
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.
Therefore
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, these apps can have a positive impact on
people
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's lives.

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task achievement
Ensure consistent spelling and word choice. For example, use 'their' instead of 'there' when indicating possession.
coherence cohesion
Work on avoiding repetition for better fluency, such as not repeating phrases like 'social media'. Consider using synonyms or more varied vocabulary to enhance your essay.
task achievement
Provide a bit more evidence and examples for the negative health impacts to strengthen the balance of your argument, though the example of TikTok is a good start.
task achievement
You've clearly stated your opinion and provided a structure that makes your argument easy to follow, which is important for both task achievement and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively summarizing your main points and supporting your position.
task achievement
The example regarding the Saudi News account on Instagram effectively illustrates how social media is used for news gathering, supporting your viewpoint.
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