IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Medical research is essential to improve health and deal with diseases. Who do you think should fund these researches: private companies, individuals or the government?

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Studies and
research
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 in the medical field are crucial to provide us with answers for many issues that are related to health. I believe that
this
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research
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 should be supported by the
Government
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, but not private
companies
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 and individuals, to avoid bias as many care about themselves , not about the nation.
Also
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, when it is funded by the
government
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 the
research
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 might be applied on a wider range.
First,
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many private
companies
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 and individuals try to
use
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research
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 as a method to convince
people
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 to purchase their products. As
people
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 tend to believe information released in
research
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 , some
companies
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use
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 published studies as a method of advertisement for what they have.
Hence
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, the
government
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 should check that
this
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research
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 has been done transparently before releasing it to others.
For example
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, during COVID-19 19 many
companies
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 tried to
use
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research
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 to show the
government
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 and
people
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 that their vaccine is the solution.
Secondly
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, being funded by the
government
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 will give the researchers the accessibility to many facilities and a large spectrum of individuals. Having the ability to
use
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 governmental laboratories, hospitals and many other things, will ease the process of doing the
research
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.
Furthermore
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, their
research
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 will be published on many websites that are related to the
government
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, so their
research
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 will be more useful for others.
For example
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, many
people
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 trust the
research
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that is
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 released on the Australian
government
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 pages because they believe that caring about the community is one of the
government
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's priorities. In conclusion, medical
research
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 is key to creating a healthy nation, as it will find solutions for many medical obstacles, I think that the
government
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 should fund
this
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research
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 as it will benefit their citizen and not damage them.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic and provides reasons for supporting the idea that the government should fund medical research. However, you should aim to delve deeper into the counterarguments and address them. Exploring different aspects of government funding could enrich your discussion and demonstrate critical thinking.
task achievement
Ensure your main points are always directly linked to your thesis. For example, you might consider why the breadth of government-funded research can be more advantageous compared to privately funded research in more specific terms.
task achievement
Try to avoid minor grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing for a higher score. For instance, refine sentences like 'many care about themselves, not about the nation' to be more precise.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is clearly structured with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To elevate your score, enhance transitions between ideas within paragraphs and ensure each paragraph ties back to your central thesis.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing more nuanced transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smooth flow of ideas. This would help in making your arguments more coherent.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance your sentence variety and complexity to make your writing more engaging. Using different structures can help maintain the reader's interest and showcase your language skills.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.
task achievement
The essay stays focused on the topic throughout, maintaining a clear stance on who should fund medical research.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • essential
  • improve health
  • deal with diseases
  • private companies
  • individuals
  • government
  • fund
  • contribute
  • allocate funds
  • combination
  • parties
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