IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The internet has brought about many changes into our day to day life. Nowadays we are doing things such as mailing, communication much faster. Do these developments have more advantages than disadvantages?

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Internet
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 has made significant changes in
out
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our
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 daily lives. In
the
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apply
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recent years, these
development
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developments
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has
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have
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 made
out
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apply
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our
coommunication
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communication
communications
 faster and more efficient.
Although
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internet
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 advancement has numerous advantages,
but
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apply
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it has its own
disadvantages
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 which cannot be neglected.
This
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 essay will explore the benefits and drawbacks of
internet
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 advancement and explain how the advantages outweigh its
disadvantages
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 with reasoned examples.
To begin
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 with,
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internet
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the internet
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 comes with many advantages
such
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 as improved communication, ease
in
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of
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 information
accessiblity
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accessibility
, and social connectivity. Primarily, The
internet
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connect
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connects
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 everyone globally through its
its
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apply
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imporved
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improved
 communication and ease in
speed
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the speed
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 of communication with instant messaging, video calls and virtual meetings.
Similarly
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,
it's
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its
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 social connectivity has connected distant family and friends
as well as
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 new
people
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 in the world.
For instance
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, where businessmen and general thousand of
dollors
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dollars
 used to spend
thousand
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thousands
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 of
dollors
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dollars
, now
people
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 can meet anyone from anywhere.
Secondly
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, on
one
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the one
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hand
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hand,
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this
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 ease
in
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of
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 accessing information through
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internet
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the internet
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 has made
people
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to
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apply
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gain information,
reasearch
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research
 news and DIY tutorials,
while
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 on
other
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the other
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this
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 has become an
education
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educational
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 opportunity for
student
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students
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accessing
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to access
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 countless online courses and
education
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educational
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 resources.
Moreover
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, with the connectivity gained through
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internet
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the internet
show examples
 student can target their ideal opportunity from anywhere and work on their professional development.
However
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, despite its numerous benefits some of its
disadvantages
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 have made
people
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 vulnerable from using it. To illustrate, several studies conducted globally
has
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have
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 revealed digital
addcition
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addiction
, making
people
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 lose their sense of responsibility towards their family and their personal growth.
Additionally
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, digital hacking
have
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has
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 made many lose their entire wealth on
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internet
Add an article
the internet
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. Not to deny, but
its
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it
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also
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 divides
people
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 with inequality in accessing the
internet
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. These were some of the most significant
disadvantages
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which are needed
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that need
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 to be considered. In conclusion,
while
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 the
internet
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 offers numerous benefits for users of all ages, including educational resources for students and the ability to connect
people
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 globally, it
also
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 presents challenges. Many individuals distrust the
internet
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due to
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 a lack of knowledge and fear of financial loss. To address these
disadvantages
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, the government should implement initiatives
such
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 as awareness campaigns to educate
people
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 on how to protect themselves online.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider making the transitions between paragraphs smoother. This helps the essay flow better and makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Although you have a good number of relevant points, make sure each point is supported by a strong, specific example. This can help strengthen your argument and provide evidence for your claims.
task achievement
Try to minimize grammatical errors and typos to improve clarity and professionalism. For example, 'out' should be 'our', and 'addcition' should be 'addiction'.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which adds structure to the argument.
task achievement
The main points are clearly stated and relevant to the topic, which shows a good understanding of the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant messaging
  • video calls
  • virtual meetings
  • access to information
  • online banking
  • e-commerce
  • educational resources
  • digital addiction
  • privacy concerns
  • digital divide
  • social media platforms
  • remote work
  • telecommuting
  • cybersecurity
  • streaming services
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