Mobile phones and smart devices should be restricted and that young people should not be allowed to have them. Only people of a certain age should have permission to own them. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this proposal? What is your opinion?
smart
devices
are being increasingly used more in every day
life. There are some Replace the word
everyday
people
who argue that only people
of a certain age should be able to purchase and own them. In this
essay, I will try to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this
opinion and give my own view on it.
Smart devices
can provide a technlogical
and educational advantage. By using them Correct your spelling
technological
im
school situations, they can improve Correct your spelling
in
students
´ productivity. By increasing
the sources of Change preposition
Increasing
information
students
can use
, it
helps them Correct pronoun usage
apply
completing
tasks better Wrong verb form
complete
while
being more complete in their answers. Thus
leading to increasing levels of productivtiy
and higher grades. The fact that smart Correct your spelling
productivity
devices
use
the internet has another distinct advantage, students
get the most up to date
Add a hyphen
up-to-date
information
. Schoolbooks, on the one hand practical for teachers, sometimes
do not Correct word choice
but sometimes
adress
themes anymore that are relevant for Correct your spelling
address
students
in this
day and age. The advantages of these devices
however
, carry some potential downsides
The Add the comma(s)
, however
use
of technological devices
can have its
negative effects. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Students
can become more lazy by using them. For example
, in the past, students
had to go to the library and search books for information
on subjects they needed. This
way, they also
stumbled upon other information
they might not even
thought about before. Add a missing verb
have even
Thus
this
way of gathering information
could get lost by using technology. Furthermore
there could be overreliance on sources over the internet which may be incorrect. A lot of Add a comma
Furthermore,
students
use
wikipedia
, a website which serves as an encyclopedia, Change the capitalization
Wikipedia
however
, this
website can be edited by anyone. If people
have malice in mind, they could mislead people
and so the students
as well who use
the website for their sources.
In conclusion
I think Add a comma
conclusion,
technlogical
Correct your spelling
technological
devices
can have many postive
effects by increasing Correct your spelling
positive
the
productivity and offering Correct article usage
apply
up to date
Add a hyphen
up-to-date
information
to students
. These benefits do in my opinion outweigh the side effects, which include the possibility of possible false information
and the increased risk that students
will not go to the library as often as they did in the past.Submitted by laurens.belgium on
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task response
You can strengthen your task response by discussing more specific examples related to the negative impacts of smart devices. Additionally, consider providing a balanced view with more points on why some people argue for restricting smart devices to older individuals.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance coherence by improving transitions between paragraphs. Using transitional phrases like 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' or 'On the other hand,' can help create smoother flow between your points.
introduction and conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in setting a structured flow.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported and logically structured, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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