IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #people #life #money
Nowadays, there is a debate on the source of happiness.
However
, it will be distinct from
one
 person to another and from
one
 era to another. A diverse range of individuals are convinced that the prime source of happiness is
money
.
While
 others believe that other sectors can make us ecstatic. In
this
 essay, I will elaborate on both arguments. To commence with, a lot of things are associated with
money
. We can buy an astounding house with
money
. We can spend stunning moments likely vacations, staycations and honeymoons with
money
.
One
 of the sparked examples is Dubai. To have a delightful experience there and enjoy all the facilities you should have a massive budget.
Moreover
, In many countries similar to Egypt, you can obtain a wonderful education in only private schools and universities.
Furthermore
, a new survey was released from Chigaco University. It was opting between
health
 and
money
. Most of the individuals choose the
health
instead
 of
money
.
In addition
, a wide range of persons are suffering from unaddressed disorders.
Thus
, we can see people are blessed for their
health
. Moving
further
, when we find that all our family members are ecstatic and in good condition. We are delighted. These family gatherings can not be purchased with
money
. Probing ahead, having a dutiful and well-behaved child made a lot of people cheerful. They assume that they are fulfilled and no
one
like
Replace the word
likes
show examples
 them. In conclusion, it depends on the situation that we are in.
Money
 can assist us in happiness.
Nonetheless
, things
such
 as raising children and good
health
 made us more joyful. These things can not be obtained by
money
.
Submitted by mohannadsme on

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coherence cohesion
Try to make your main points more distinct and well-developed. Separate different ideas into different paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
task achievement
Ensure that all your examples directly support your arguments. The example of Egypt's education system needs clearer explanation to link it to happiness directly.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clear and related to the topic.
relevant specific examples
There are relevant examples provided to support the points being made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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