IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Do you think that technological advancement has brought more harm than good? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

#advancement #harm #support
From the earliest stone tools to the latest advancements in artificial intelligence, robotics and virtual reality, technology has continuously transformed our lives.
However
,
this
 transition
also
 cautioned against the danger that rapid change could have on societies. Personally, I absolutely agree with
this
 viewpoint, which will be
further
 discussed in the following essay. On the one hand, these modern inventions have brought some positive impacts towards a nation, acknowledged as economic growth, healthcare improvements job
automation
 etc. To be specific, widespread access to the internet has revolutionized our world, transforming how we communicate, learn, work, shop and even socialize.
In addition
, modern methods have paved the way for
automation
, resulting in reduced labour work and improved productivity. To illustrate, centuries ago, more goods were handmade, which require more workers and time, nowadays many manufacturers have taken advantage of automatic machines to mass produce products with consistent quality and in a relatively short time.
As a result
, not only has the workload can be done faster and more effectively, but the quality of life has
also
 been improved.
On the other hand
,
while
automation
 has the power to unlock unimaginable benefits to
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 and
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
, it
also
 has the power to disrupt systems and potentially devastate societies. The rate of technological development and availability threatens to outpace the rate at which societies and governments are able to adapt to it. In China,
for example
, 77% of Chinese jobs were at risk of
automation
 in 2016, meaning that as machinery develops, hundreds of thousands of folk could be replaced by machinery without alternative employment opportunities.
Moreover
, the lack of face-to-face communication is
also
 one of technology's negative impacts. Having seen each other on social apps already, people become more hesitant to meet physically. Some teenagers even want to have virtual friends more than mix with their real-life ones. In the long run,
this
 can lead to a serious decrease in social interactions
as well as
 communication skills
as well as
 characteristics
such
 as empathy and mindfulness.
As a consequence
,
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 will end up being emotionless and lacking genuine relationships, which can be extremely harmful to the well-being of human society. In conclusion,
while
 it is true that technological advances have brought numerous benefits to human lives, I
also
 agree that the consequences
along with
 them are considerable.
Submitted by gpreetmehanger on

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task achievement
Try to ensure that all ideas are fully explained and that each example directly supports the point being made. For instance, elaborate more on the link between automation and job displacement.
coherence cohesion
Ensure transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth and logical to improve the flow of your essay even further.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and sets the context well.
relevant specific examples
Specific examples like the use of automation in manufacturing and job risk statistics in China effectively back up the points made.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly encapsulates the key arguments presented.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic growth
  • Job automation
  • Artificial intelligence
  • Productivity
  • Job displacement
  • Unemployment
  • Diagnostic tools
  • Patient care
  • Privacy
  • Data security
  • Genetic modification
  • Renewable energy
  • Resource efficiency
  • Electronic waste
  • Carbon footprint
  • Pollution
  • Social media
  • Cyberbullying
  • Digital addiction
  • Digital divide
  • Misinformation
  • Democratized access
  • Face-to-face interactions
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