IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Your mentor recommended you to learn a new language and gave you contact details of a teacher. Write a letter to a techer

#mentor #language #contact #teacher #techer
Dear Madam, I hope
this
 letter finds you in good health. I am writing
this
 letter regarding learning a new
language
 , as I want to become a multi-
language
 person,
due to
this
, my mentor told me about the best coaching centre where I can learn a new
language
. My teacher shared
me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
all
information
Correct article usage
the information
show examples
 through WhatsApp including contact details, location and other informative things. I am planning to move abroad for my
further
 studies, I want to improve my skills
while
 learning the French
language
.
Furthermore
, I am fluent in English, and in
this
language
, I communicate very well with others which is a strong point for me. Despite that, I want to learn the French
language
 because
this
language
 is the second most popular
language
 abroad, and I
also
 applied online for a job where learning French is compulsory.
Moreover
, I will be ready to learn
this
language
 as soon as possible. When my mentor shared
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
contact details with me , at that time, I registered with an institution and visited it. I
requested
Wrong verb form
request
show examples
 you to provide mewith
aseparate
Correct your spelling
a separate
separate
 room as I am a beginner learner of French and start classes from tomorrow. Thank you for replying to me in a short time. Sincerely yours, Raj.
Submitted by kaurgillrajveer29l on

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coherence
In some areas, the text feels slightly disjointed due to minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, 'I want to become a multi-language person' could be rephrased to 'I want to become multilingual.' Work on refining these areas for smoother readability.
coherence
Try to maintain a single idea per paragraph for better clarity. For instance, the paragraph discussing your fluency in English and reasons for learning French could be split into two separate paragraphs.
task response
Ensure to avoid any repetition of ideas. For example, you mentioned wanting to learn French due to its popularity and requirement for a job twice. Consolidate these points for a sharper focus.
task response
You have effectively conveyed your purpose for writing the letter and included important details like your fluency in English and the urgency to start learning French.
coherence
Your greeting and closing are polite and appropriate for the formal tone required in such a letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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