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Writing Samples
Band 7

There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important reason/factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There are several
factors
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 that motivate people to remain in the workforce, and it is often argued that money is the most significant reason.
While
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 I acknowledge that financial incentives play a crucial role, I believe that other
factors
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such
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 as
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work
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-life
balance
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,
job
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satisfaction
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, and a supportive
work
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environment
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 are equally important.
To begin
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 with, it is undeniable that money is a powerful motivator for many individuals. Financial stability is essential for meeting basic needs, supporting families, and achieving personal goals.
For instance
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, in developing countries, where the cost of living can be high,
employees
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 often prioritize higher salaries to ensure their financial security.
Additionally
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, monetary rewards
such
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 as bonuses, raises, and promotions are effective tools for retaining talent and encouraging productivity.
However
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, focusing solely on financial incentives overlooks the importance of non-monetary
factors
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.
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Work
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-life
balance
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,
for instance
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, is increasingly valued by
employees
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 who seek to manage their professional and personal lives effectively. Companies that offer flexible working hours, remote
work
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 options, and generous leave policies tend to attract and retain
employees
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 who prioritize their well-being over financial gains.
For example
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, in countries like Denmark and Sweden, where
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work
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-life
balance
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 is highly emphasized,
job
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satisfaction
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 rates are among the highest in the world.
Moreover
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, a positive
work
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environment
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 and
job
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satisfaction
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 are critical in motivating
employees
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 to stay. People are more likely to remain in their jobs if they feel valued, supported, and engaged.
Factors
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such
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 as a collaborative workplace culture, opportunities for professional growth, and recognition of achievements contribute significantly to
job
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satisfaction
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.
For example
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, Google is renowned for its supportive
work
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environment
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, which includes various employee benefits and development programs, leading to high employee retention rates. In conclusion,
while
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 financial incentives are undoubtedly important in motivating individuals to stay in the workforce, other
factors
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such
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 as
Use synonyms
work
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-life
balance
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,
job
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satisfaction
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, and a supportive
work
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environment
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 are equally vital. A comprehensive approach that addresses both monetary and non-monetary needs is essential for fostering employee loyalty and
satisfaction
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.

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task achievement
Make sure to consider opposing viewpoints and counterarguments to strengthen your position even further.
coherence cohesion
Use topic sentences and transition phrases more effectively to improve the flow between paragraphs.
task achievement
Clear and comprehensive ideas that address multiple factors motivating people to stay in the workforce.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure with well-supported main points.
task achievement
Effective use of relevant and specific examples to support the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • basic needs
  • career advancement
  • pension
  • job satisfaction
  • sense of purpose
  • social connections
  • workplace relationships
  • intellectual stimulation
  • societal norms
  • earning potential
  • motivation
  • livelihood
  • financial independence
  • professional growth
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