IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of pre school age. Other working people think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Childrencare
Correct your spelling
Children's
 is a controversial issue nowadays, so some folks prefer
centres
Use synonyms
 for nursing their
children
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others dislike the idea of
centres
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 they
encourge
Correct your spelling
encourage
 the notion of keeping kids under
supervision
Add an article
the supervision
show examples
 of
a family members
Correct the article-noun agreement
family members
a family member
show examples
 like grandparents. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I shall elaborate on
also
Linking Words
 I reveal my point of view
Linking Words
according to
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 topic.
To begin
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 with,
children
Use synonyms
 are
indicating
Verb problem
receiving
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
special care
although
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 they are still young , but the responsibility of caring
them
Change preposition
for them
show examples
it doesn't
Verb problem
isn't
show examples
 easy.
Hence
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 the growing baby should
be arise
Change the verb form
arise
show examples
 in a healthy and calm environment, in order to be a good person in the future.
Moreover
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, the kids of today are the parents of tomorrow,
consequently
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, the method of keeping them in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right manner
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
doesn't affect
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
who was the
baby_sitter
Correct your spelling
babysitter
, is it the centre or the family member?
It is clear that
Linking Words
 grandparent
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a good choice in
adoption
Replace the word
adopting
show examples
 the nursing of their grandchildren
however
Linking Words
, the age and the health statement of old
grands
Correct your spelling
grants
 may
be become
Change to the active voice
become
have become
show examples
 an obstruction in caring enough .
On the other hand
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 , the presence of specialist
centres
Use synonyms
 to do
this
Linking Words
 duty is
such
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 a crucial notion
as a result
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, the child will communicate with other peers ,
furthermore
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, allowance of those
children
Use synonyms
 to build their confidence
as well as
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 community
centres
Use synonyms
 obligate them to be
extrovert
Add an article
an extrovert
the extrovert
show examples
 person in future.
According to
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 my opinion, I wholeheartedly concur with the concept of keeping kids in
a specialist
Correct the article-noun agreement
specialist centres
a specialist centre
show examples
centres
Use synonyms
 .
thus
Linking Words
,
this
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 method will
boosts
Change the verb form
boost
show examples
 the confidence and socialising portion inside the growing baby. To sum it up,
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 caring has a significant responsibility.
overall
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, parents should
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 the right choice in
selection
Replace the word
selecting
show examples
 the sitter either grandparents or a special
centrer
Correct your spelling
centre
.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt but could benefit from more specific examples to strengthen both perspectives.
task achievement
Ensure each idea or argument is clearly supported with evidence or examples to make your points more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to make your essay more cohesive. Transitional phrases can assist in this regard.
coherence and cohesion
Rephrase some sentences for clarity and avoid overly complex structures that may confuse the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Revise grammar and sentence structure to eliminate errors and improve readability.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic and discussed both views, which demonstrates a clear understanding of the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a nice structure to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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