Today many children and teenagers are overweight and unhealthy. Give reasons to explain why many young people are obese and give some solutions to fix the problem.

It is true that many of the young generations are overfat and in poor
health
currently. There are various reasons why most juniors are heavily built, but institutions and their parents could certainly take steps to address
this
issue. There are several factors that why children and adolescents are overweight.
Firstly
, many children and teenagers lead a sedentary lifestyle
due to
excessive screen time, including playing video games, watching television, and engaging on social media.
This
lack of physical activity contributes to weight gain and poor
health
.
Secondly
, the consumption of fast food, sugary beverages, and snacks high in fats and sugars has surged. Many young people do not have balanced diets, missing out on essential nutrients
while
consuming excessive calories.
Finally
, emotional stress, depression, and anxiety can lead to overeating or unhealthy eating patterns as a coping mechanism, contributing to obesity. To solve
this
problem, there are some ideas to solve
this
.
Firstly
, parents play a crucial role in shaping the behaviour of their children, even lifestyle. Parents could lead as an example of good awareness of
health
,
then
it may influence young people.
Secondly
,
school
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schools
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should have sports for students, at least once per week, which can assist their students.
Finally
, as many young people are more stressed
due to
heavy homework and more competition in each subject, teenagers should have
a
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apply
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stable
emotion
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emotions
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and pay more attention to their mental
health
and physical body condition. In conclusion, I can understand that most teens are likely to have an unwell diet, but it seems to me that
the
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guidance is much more essential in their lives.
Submitted by 57025371 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, use more variety in linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. For instance, instead of starting many sentences with 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'Finally,' try using different connectors or adding transitions within sentences to improve the flow.
Task Achievement
While your main ideas are clear and relevant, providing more specific examples can make your arguments stronger. For example, mention specific fast foods or types of exercises that could be beneficial. This would help demonstrate your points more vividly.
Task Achievement
Try to provide a more balanced view in the conclusion by summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs rather than introducing new information or perspectives.
Overall
Your essay addresses the task with a clear introduction and conclusion, and you cover several relevant points regarding the causes and solutions of obesity among young people.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with distinct paragraphs for different ideas. This enhances readability and makes your argument easier to follow.
Overall
You have a good command of language with a variety of vocabulary and sentence structures, which makes the essay interesting to read.

Your opinion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Screen time
  • Balanced diet
  • Nutrients
  • Physical education
  • Parental influence
  • Aggressive marketing
  • Emotional stress
  • Coping mechanism
  • Caloric intake
  • Processed foods
  • Nutrient-dense
  • Health awareness
  • Fast food industry
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