Today many children and teenagers are overweight and unhealthy. Give reasons to explain why many young people are obese and give some solutions to fix the problem.

It is true that many of the young generations are overfat and in poor

health

Use synonyms

currently. There are various reasons why most juniors are heavily built, but institutions and their parents could certainly take steps to address

this

Linking Words

issue. There are several factors that why children and adolescents are overweight.

Firstly

Linking Words

, many children and teenagers lead a sedentary lifestyle

due to

Linking Words

excessive screen time, including playing video games, watching television, and engaging on social media.

This

Linking Words

lack of physical activity contributes to weight gain and poor

health

Use synonyms

Secondly

Linking Words

, the consumption of fast food, sugary beverages, and snacks high in fats and sugars has surged. Many young people do not have balanced diets, missing out on essential nutrients

while

Linking Words

consuming excessive calories.

Finally

Linking Words

, emotional stress, depression, and anxiety can lead to overeating or unhealthy eating patterns as a coping mechanism, contributing to obesity. To solve

this

Linking Words

problem, there are some ideas to solve

this

Linking Words

Firstly

Linking Words

, parents play a crucial role in shaping the behaviour of their children, even lifestyle. Parents could lead as an example of good awareness of

health

Use synonyms

then

Linking Words

it may influence young people.

Secondly

Linking Words

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

should have sports for students, at least once per week, which can assist their students.

Finally

Linking Words

, as many young people are more stressed

due to

Linking Words

heavy homework and more competition in each subject, teenagers should have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

stable

emotion

Fix the agreement mistake

emotions

show examples

and pay more attention to their mental

health

Use synonyms

and physical body condition. In conclusion, I can understand that most teens are likely to have an unwell diet, but it seems to me that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

guidance is much more essential in their lives.

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Aug 3, 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

To enhance coherence and cohesion, use more variety in linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. For instance, instead of starting many sentences with 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'Finally,' try using different connectors or adding transitions within sentences to improve the flow.

Task Achievement

While your main ideas are clear and relevant, providing more specific examples can make your arguments stronger. For example, mention specific fast foods or types of exercises that could be beneficial. This would help demonstrate your points more vividly.

Task Achievement

Try to provide a more balanced view in the conclusion by summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs rather than introducing new information or perspectives.

Overall

Your essay addresses the task with a clear introduction and conclusion, and you cover several relevant points regarding the causes and solutions of obesity among young people.

Coherence and Cohesion

The structure of your essay is logical, with distinct paragraphs for different ideas. This enhances readability and makes your argument easier to follow.

Overall

You have a good command of language with a variety of vocabulary and sentence structures, which makes the essay interesting to read.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

268 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Sedentary lifestyle
Screen time
Balanced diet
Nutrients
Physical education
Parental influence
Aggressive marketing
Emotional stress
Coping mechanism
Caloric intake
Processed foods
Nutrient-dense
Health awareness
Fast food industry

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Your opinion

LARGE COMPANIES SHOULD PAY HIGHER SALARIES TO CEOs AND EXECUTIVES COMPARED TO OTHER WORKERS TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE

Ordinary people try to copy famous personalities by seeing them on TV and reading them on newspaper. What is the reason? Is it a good or bad idea .

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In many country average weight of the people increasing and fitness levels are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of problems and what measures could be taken solve them?